Skip to main content

*Shudder*

Last night I had another moment of hypnopompic sleep paralysis [yes, there are 3 links in that sentence]. I woke up at 1am and couldn't move. Not at all. The fan fixture in my room seemed to be some sort of dark (and exceedingly large) owl or hawk that watched me intently. Everything in my head was trying to make my body respond, but it wouldn't.

So I started singing a hymn. Roughly one verse in, I heard my brother walking toward his room. He was singing the same song - two lines behind me. I don't know if I heard him in my sleep, but it certainly wasn't a conscious choice to sing the same thing. And somehow, it gave me great peace. And then I could move. I lay there, breathing deeply like I'd just run up the stairs, even though I hadn't moved at all.


In thinking about it this morning, I have two thoughts:
1. I don't know if I could handle full body paralysis. There is something incredibly frightening and frustrating to being unable to make your body respond as it should.

2. This seems to be an intersection of psychology and spirituality, and I don't quite know which way I would chalk it up. They seem too tightly entwined to be able to say this part is psychological, but this part is spiritual.

Comments

Silas said…
wow that is interesting. i didn't know that existed. i hardly ever have trouble sleeping (maybe just more trouble getting out of bed rather than waking) and i really do treasure this privilege of good sleep.
Terra said…
love all your posts this season girl. just wanted to let you know.

Popular posts from this blog

What About Travis!?

I just watched Hope Floats, the second movie in my I-really-need-to-vegetate night. Now that we have more than three channels, there are so many quality programs on TV! Like movies in the middle of the week. I enjoyed many of the lines in this movie, including:

"I went home and told my mama you had a seizure in my mouth."
(referring to her first french-kissing experience)

"Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me."
(the conversation in our living room then went,
Girl 1: Only Harry Connick Jr. could say that line without it being incredibly cheezy.
Boy: Without it being cheezy? That's all I heard. Cheez, cheez, cheez.
Girl 2: Yeah, but it was sexy, sexy cheez...sigh.)
"Better do what she says, Travis. Grandma stuffs little dogs."

Bernice: At home we had a pet skunk. Mama used to call it Justin Matisse. Do you think that's just a coincidence? All day long she would scream, "You stink Justin Matisse!" Then one day she just…

I Like to Keep My Issues Drawn

It's Sunday night and I am multi-tasking. Paid some bills, catching up on free musical downloads from the past month, thinking about the mix-tape I need to make and planning my last assignment for writing class.

Shortly, I will abandon the laptop to write my first draft by hand. But until then, I am thinking about music.

This song played for me earlier this afternoon, as I attempted to nap. I woke up somewhere between 5 and 5:30 this morning, then lay in bed until 8 o'clock flipping sides and thinking about every part of my life that exists. It wasn't stressful, but it wasn't quite restful either...This past month, I have spent a lot of time rebuffing lies and refusing to believe that the inside of my heart and mind can never change. I feel like Florence + The Machine's song "Shake it Out" captures many of these feelings & thoughts.

(addendum: is the line "I like to keep my issues strong or drawn?" Lyrics sites have it as "strong," …

Simone Weil: On "Forms of the Implicit Love of God"

Simone Weil time again! One of the essays in Waiting for God is entitled "Forms of the Implicit Love of God." Her main argument is that before a soul has "direct contact" with God, there are three types of love that are implicitly the love of God, though they seem to have a different explicit object. That is, in loving X, you are really loving Y. (in this case, Y = God). As for the X of the equation, she lists:

Love of neighbor Love of the beauty of the world Love of religious practices and a special sidebar to Friendship
“Each has the virtue of a sacrament,” she writes. Each of these loves is something to be respected, honoured, and understood both symbolically and concretely. On each page of this essay, I found myself underlining profound, challenging, and thought-provoking words. There's so much to consider that I've gone back several times, mulling it over and wondering how my life would look if I truly believed even half of these things...

Here are a few …