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Journals


I opened up my box of journals and organized them according to date. I'm actually pretty excited to read through some of them, although I won't make it through the whole series. I started keeping a (prayer) journal in 2001. I am currently on book #22.

I don't really keep daily logs of activities. I'm much more diary-like on here, more prayer-like on paper. Actually, I would like to someday line up my blog entries with the journal entries from the same dates. Or around the same dates. I think it would be telling, although I'm not sure what it would say, exactly.

Having typed out my entries from the past six years, I wonder if this actually is any sort of good idea. I'm not sure. But I've done all the typing, and I do believe in transparency. Judge how you will, here are the "highlights" of my prayers from Day 1.

2002 (gr. 12, spent with my friend, "F")
Thank you for today. Thank you for a new year! Thank you for yesterday and the good time I had [with] F. Thank you for last year, for all the things you taught me, all that you brought me through. Thank you for being my God.
Lord, help me make this year a truly great one. Help me to serve you fully, to search after you and honour you in all I do. Teach me great things! Show me your love and power in awesome ways...
Thank you again for bringing me here. I know I am part of your great plan, and I pray that I would be so even more this year! I love you. Amen.

2003 (1st year, sick at a stranger's house)
I thank you for this past year. Thank you for all the experiences that you have brought me through. Thank you that you continue to teach and stretch me.
Father, my prayer for this next year is that you mold me into a woman after your heart. Break my heart with the things that break yours...
Help me to develop a servant's heart. God, humble me and help me to love through my actions. May your love be evident in me and my deeds...(edited boy content)
Give me a passion, Lord, for You and Your plan. May You and You alone be my focus. Take away distractions and help me to live for You alone.
God, I thank you for the lessons I know you have in store for me. May they draw me closer to you and deepen my love for You...

2004 (2nd year, first conference, spiritually high - suite upgrade!)
The last five days have been absolutely phenomenal - it has been so challenging, encouraging, refreshing, and draining all at the same time. Thank you, Father, for speaking to me, for convicting me, for encouraging me where I am blameless and also challenging me to walk more deeply with You.
Forgive my pride, for wanting people to notice me in worship & in positions of leadership. I confess this, Lord, and want no part in it. Keep me humble before you, and if that means not serving in leadership, help me to serve willingly wherever you would have me...(edited boy content)
Guide me this semester as I spend more and more time with You. Make me attentive to your voice and willing to follow Your leading.
Father, for my inheritance, I ask for the lost; that you would save others who are perishing & so desperate for you. Amen.

2005 (3rd year, second conference, spiritually low)
These days have been so busy - I must admit I'm looking for a few days of relaxation. Thank you, Lord, for all that's gone on in these last days.
Thank you for my visiting with Y. I am so blessed by her friendship & her wisdom. Thank you for her understanding & willingness to listen to what's been going on in my heart. Thank you that you have been teaching us some of the same lessons. Father, I pray that you would continue to heal her. May she pace herself well & may this semester be a good, relaxed one for her. Show me how I can aid, encourage & bless her...
...(edited boy content)...
Finally, Lord, thank you for tonight's talk with my mom. Thank you for her wisdom & for the better understanding I have of her thoughts. May we both be patient and careful in our romantic curiousity, allowing You to work in Your time. Thank you for her love for me.
May I be diligent, Lord, in guarding and fighting for my thoughts. Win the battles of my mind! In the name of Jesus, Amen.

2006 (4th year, third conference, sick again - clarification comes)
Thank you, Father, for today. Thank you that I had a good sleep last night & thank You for all the time I was able to spend with Y. Lord, may I be careful not to cling to her selfishly this semester.
God, I am so afraid of the future - of growing up, of joining a ministry & raising support, of being single, even of moving home for a time. I give these all to You. You are bigger than each one. You love me more than I can imagine, and You have better plans for me than I have for myself. Forgive me for my lack of trust. Replace my heart of fear with a heart of fire...(edited boy content)...

2007 (done school, fourth conference, #1 in the west)
Thank you for safe travels today. And thank You, God, for a great end to conference. As I think about switching gears and being back here in Vancouver, I want to say again that I need You. Desperately. I am way over my head & out of my league. be my everything. Guide, lead, use me. I put myself in Your hands.

2008 (still not in school, fifth conference, #2 in the west)
Jesus, You are so faithful, & I am somewhat excited for what this year will hold...I pray that my heart would be soft towards You & that I would love Your Word more & more.
Jesus, it's obvious to me that there will be struggles in my heart, as always...(edited boy content)...May I trust You & walk confidently & peacefully in Your plans for me. Give me a heart that desires to serve and bless, and not just feel good. I know that I need You. Without You - Your Word & Your love - I know my life will be about nothing but myself. Keep me from that trap.
May X & Z know Your hope this week. And may they start to experience Your healing too.

Comments

MLW said…
Phunky Photo!
Terra said…
This is a good memory post. thanks! seems like God has been answering your prayers! :)

Let's go to Scotland! Okay, that's random I know... but Im sooo excited!
kelly said…
i am reading up on your life.

2003. sick at a stranger's house. i miss you. how long ago that seems.

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