Skip to main content

Boys & Girls

Whether you're 15 or 35, I think things are essentially the same when it comes to boys & girls. Miscommunication, unfulfilled expectations, heartbreak & confusion. The unexpected happens, and it's always a surprise.

And I don't just mean for us singles. Even in the best marriages these things are present. What's different, I think, is that in a marriage, you know who you're investing in and (hopefully) there's a commitment that you will work things out.

My heart is really heavy for one of my friends today. When we were talking earlier, I wanted to make things right for her. But I don't know what it would look like for things to be "right." And I don't think she does either, which is what makes it harder. {If I had a fairy wand...the magic mice and I would make everything just-so.}

I fear being in a situation similar to hers someday, because a) it hurts and b) I don't know that I would react with the same grace and humility that I see in her. I've been really blessed, in the last few months, to see several women respond to relational pain/catastrophe/rejection with incredibly godly and counter-cultural attitudes. I would like to be known, someday, as a woman of humility and grace when it comes to dealing with conflict & men.

I also thought, Man, I'm glad I'm unattached. It is such a freeing thing to be in a place where my heart belongs to no one but me. I have rarely been so content to be single, to interact with guys and to be ok with myself if they don't all have crushes on me (I'm not writing them all off as undate-able, but I'm not secretly pining away, jealous every time they talk to another girl, either). Anyway, the point is that I like this place my heart has found. But then I wondered, with all the complexities & inevitable pain that romantic relationships involve, will I be willing to take the risk when the time is right? It made me think of this postsecret that I read last weekend.
I think that when the timing & the person are right, the rest will fall into place. Not in a simplistic, overly easy way, but in a "I know this is right and this will work out" sort of way.

Ah, relationships! My thoughts go on forever, but I think this is a good place to end for now.


Sarah said…
I'm in a relationship that I never would have imagined until it happened, it caught me completely off guard, and it hasn't always been easy, but I know it's right. We don't know what the future will bring, but God has brought us this far and we know that we can continue to trust Him as we take a step of faith to commit to spending the rest of our lives together. I also admire women whom I have seen show grace and forgiveness recently and wonder if I would be able to do the same thing if it were me. I pray that I'll never have to know.
Kirsten said…
I like this new layout. It's easier to read.
dray said…
I think this is solid stuff. And sometimes the pain associate with being attached and then un-attached is helpful preparation for the inevitable pain that comes with a lifelong attachment (note good is included in that attachment as well).

@Sarah I sing..

Beth said…
sarah: i'm excited too!

kirsten: thanks - it's still not personalized enough...some day i'll have time to get it how i want it. :)

dray: sarah had to be reminded of who you are, but i think she wants to walk down the aisle to that song.
steph said…
you're quite the postsecret fan!
Laura J said…
I just read your profile and I can't believe that Ever After isn't on your favorite movie list. That's ridiculous!!!

Good thoughts by the way.

Popular posts from this blog

Fostering FAQ: How Can You Say Goodbye?

It seems I finally have something(s) to say... Here's the first in a short (or maybe long?) series on Fostering FAQs. If you've got a question to add, feel free to comment/email/text/message me and maybe the next post will be in response.


8:30 am on Day 4 of parenting. I woke up in a panic two hours ago because I remembered that there is a baby and I am responsible for her (at least at 6:30am, when the man beside me will snore through anything). Now, I have put on clothes and eaten breakfast. The dogs are walked, there is a loaf of banana bread in the oven. My tea is steeping. Most importantly, Dream Baby is already down for her first nap.

Despite my morning efficiency, I'm already beginning to see that even with the happiest, most easygoing, and smiliest baby, like we somehow managed to be given, parenting is a grind. On Friday night, I couldn't join friends for $5 pints at a local joint. Instead, I blearily washed the same 8 bottles again, and then made another ba…

Fostering FAQ: How Long Will She Stay/Will You Adopt Her?

Our first foster baby came with about 18 hours notice; it was respite care, which means we had him for a few days while his regular foster family had a break/dealt with a family emergency. He stayed 3 nights, long enough to come to church and have a dozen people cooing over his little sleeping cheeks.  With each new visitor to our quiet corner, I explained again that he would be going back to his foster family the next day.

Barely a week later, we got a 9am phone call with a fostering request and by the same afternoon, we were snuggling her. This time, we had her for 4 days before church came around. Again, our community was keen to see the little one we had in tow. Again, the question, "How long will she stay?" And this time, "Are you going to adopt her?"


Here in Toronto, when a child is placed in foster care, it is always for an indefinite length of time. It depends on the parents' situation, and whether they are able to make a safe home environment for th…

Fostering FAQ: What's Her (Mom's) Story?

This is probably the second most common question I hear about the baby currently in our care, right after, "Will you keep her?"

It comes in many forms:

"So, what's her story?"
"Is her mom in the picture?"
"How did she end up in your home?
"Is her mom a drug addict?"
"How could a mom not love such a cute baby!"

I get it. It's natural curiousity, and I know I've asked similar questions of my friends who are adoptive parents.

But here's what I'm learning: a child's story is their own. And equally as important, the parent's story is their own.

Imagine how it might feel to hear that for the foreseeable future, you are not allowed to care for your child. On top of whatever difficult circumstances you are already in - perhaps poverty, social isolation, lack of adequate housing, domestic violence, intergenerational trauma, drug or alcohol dependency, low cognitive functioning, or a myriad of other complex strug…