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What Am I, Twelve?

{warning. contains graphic images.}

This morning I wiped out. It has been a looooooooooooooong time since I've wiped out two steps from my own front door. Thankfully, it was a short trip back to the privacy of my house & the antiseptic aids of the bathroom. I immediately knew I couldn't clean my own wounds, so I called for a housemate.

"Lynsey? Wendy?"



"I'm on the phone..."

"Ok...Wendy? Wendy? I need some help...I kind of hurt myself."

So down Wendy comes. Wendy is a trooper. [I'm not discriminating against Lynsey in anyway. She wasn't being mean. She just didn't know...] Wendy helps me clean. Well, more like, Wendy cleans. I sit down. Then I realize I need to lie down. My family is historically not that great with injuries & blood. I think we have a very high and quick adrenaline response (you won't believe how long it took me to think of the word adrenaline), which is helpful, but then leaves us shaky and somewhat light-headed.

While Wendy was bandaging my wounds and Lynsey was in her room on the phone, our coworkers arrived for a meeting. So we were a bit late starting...and while sympathetic, they were really more perplexed and amused.

How did you do this, exactly?
I've wiped out on my bike and it hasn't been that bad.
I think I've been
concussed without being so injured.
Wait - on the weekend, you went to the woods and hiked around, right? For how long? And then this morning you step out your front door and do this?

Yes. It just happened. One step, two step, flat on my face on a gravelly sidewalk. Good thing I have arms, as one coworker pointed out. If I didn't, I may have lost my face. Instead, hours later and after a second cleaning, my hands look a bit like this:

I have no pictures of my knees, but they're nicely bunged up as well. One bloody (ripped my jeans! good thing it's cool at the moment), one swollen (is it possible to bruise your kneecap?).

End whiny-baby-mode.


Anonymous said…
eeewww! Poor Beth! You deserve to whine, that looks really painful.
paulman said…
You know, my next door prof (she's only in her early thirties, I think) wiped out a couple weeks ago just going down a gentle paved incline and messed her hands up slightly more than that. She felt pretty silly, too. But these things happen.

Don't feel silly! I hope you feel nicely bandaged (and fixed up), instead.
paulman said…
P.S. I think it's really cool that you took pictures and posted them. That should be encouraged and commended!
Daniel Ray said…

The image of a no-armed Beth sauntering about and then tripping and falling on her face will be forever burned into my mind the way vancouver rain burns into my umbrella in the middle of July. Hilarious. You are borg.

We need to come up with a "what do you call a woman with no arms" joke and a "would you rather" about this.
Anonymous said…
Would you rather have no arms so you can't break your fall or no legs so you can't trip over your own feet in the first place?
Beth said…
ah ha ha ha!! you are mean and funny.

too bad you didn't leave your name for me to give you real props.
Daniel Ray said…
Now the image of no-legged beth walking around on her knuckles is burned into my brain.

Thanks anonymous stalker person!
Laura J said…
I think it would be funnier to see Beth move back and forth on her stumpy hips using only the strength of her abdominal muscles and what would be left of her hip flexors etc. now that would be funny!

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