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Case Study No. 3 - Co-Worker

Guy has a potential crush on one of his co-workers. They are both working in the same place for the next couple of years and they go to the same church. He considers her a good friend but doesn't get any sense that she's particularly interested in him. He wonders if he should tell her how he's feeling or ask her out, but is fearful that doing so could make the next couple of years complicated and threaten their friendship. She also treats him like a "close guy friend" and even talks about other boys she's interested in on occasion. This is a bit confusing for him. Should he push the envelope here?

Wow, Guy. You get a lot of crushes! Oh wait, you're not a real person, just a conglomerate of many men...still. You know how to work the ladies.

Should you ask her out? I don't know. See, I'm not sure what the difference is between a "potential crush" and a good old-fashioned "regular crush." But I do know that girls sometimes talk to boys they like about other boys they like. It's called "throwing them off the scent." Or "I-like-him-but-I-don't-know-if-he-likes-me-so-I'll-see-how-he-responds-when-I-mention-these-other-men." Of course, she could just see you as a good guy friend. For some reason, you may be decidedly off her radar. How do you know for sure? I don't know. (aren't I a good 'advice' columnist) I also don't know what it means for her to treat you like a "close guy friend." Depending on what that is, this could be similar to the last scenario, where it was an indication that she either a) totally secretly digs you or b) is using the emotional bond you share to affirm herself as a woman.

The question is inevitably: is it(she) worth the risk? Only you can decide that. But if your relationship is genuinely and maturely friendship, she will be able to handle you initiating clarity and either accept or reject you graciously. If she goes all juvenile and seventeen, then the relationship wasn't healthy anyway. At least not on her end.

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