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In Room 111

For the first five minutes, I hate my writing class. As soon as my teacher says, "Well, how do we feel about a sounding?" I think We feel stupid. And a bit ridiculous... I can't help wondering why I signed myself up for this.

Singing the scale in Hindi? Concentrating on my chakras? Drawing in abstract what I feel flow from my subconscious?

This is not what I do.

But I do it. Well, sometimes I cheat. Instead of concentrating on my chakras, I think deeply about God. Instead of being lost in the sound of our voices, I try not to listen to the out-of-tune person across from me and think instead of my own voice bouncing of the wooden rafters two feet above my head. I can feel it. I hear it in my throat. Or I think I can.

I cannot subdue my conscious mind well, so my drawing exercise turns out to be tentative, careful, and semi-abstract. But then, as I explain what I think it means, I discover [give] meaning that I hadn't seen before. And I think perhaps my instructor is right; the body knows what the mind cannot see.

Now that I feel a little loosey-goosey, excited by my inner workings and amazed at the creativity that's simmering somewhere beneath the rafters, I am ready to do anything. Write anything.

When we're given an exercise, I am secretly annoyed with the people who ask questions, who need "clarity." Shut up and write. There's so much space to work with. I don't need so much definition when it comes to writing. I just write.

At the end of the night, after the exercise and the critiquing and the contemplation, I am sad that it is already 9:30. As I put my stuff away, I wish it were still morning, that I could go home and spend the day typing and clacking and writing and thinking and creating.

Next week, I will endure the sounding. I will feel myself calmed by ridiculous ritual. And I will surprise myself.


Mindy said…
I'd love to read some of your stuff if you're willing to share :)
paulman said…
"Chakra" is an Eastern spiritual concept, I believe. I heard Ravi Zacharias talk about it before, because a massage therapist or someone wanted to work on his "chakras" and Ravi Z. was like, "no, you cannot work on my 'chakras'. Let me tell you what that term even means..." Lol.
Beth said…
yes, it is, paulman. which is why it's not something i normally (or ever) do. :) and why i think deeply about God instead.

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