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Am I Allowed to Say This?

I have found myself needing to censor my words in the last few days. Thoughts that wouldn't (or shouldn't) be expressed outwardly. Due to frustration, inappropriateness, and the potential to cause hurt.

So I've been thinking about this. And why it's happening. Either I am:
a) PMSing (sorry boys)
b) a worse person than when I was 17
c) a more honest person than when I was 17

All three are possibilities. I won't expand on #1, except to shrug and to quote Maurice Moss, "Women and their mysterious ways...the moon...Glenn Close...all the other sorts of women..."

The second one is possible. But I don't think it's true. Because I don't think I was all that "good" of a person at 17, even if I "seemed" that way. Also, I love Jesus more now than I did at 17, and if loving Jesus doesn't help make me a "better" person, than I honestly believe that nothing will.

Which is why I end up with option #3. I am more honest. I am willing to admit the "bad things" in my life. The thoughts that "shouldn't" be there. The frustrations I often feel. The line-crossing comments.

In some ways, it is a relief to let my outer actions & words match with who I feel I am on the inside. However, I don't think that I entirely like aspects of my character, and don't want to become comfortable or excusatory with things I don't agree with, even when those things are me.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Not sure if this makes sense. I hope so. I have written it in lieu of sharing some highly hilarious but potentially inappropriate conversation.

Comments

nadine said…
1. Yes, it makes sense.
2. Moss is amazing.
3. I think I'm #3 as well. Sometimes it's freeing. Sometimes it's messy. Sometimes it's ugly.

Work. In. Progress.
Isaac said…
:) I always like your thoughts...though, I'd caution sometimes between flirting with open honesty and the wisdom of our words. I just remember in James 3, where it talks about our words...(not saying you curse)
and also, of course, out of our mouths comes the things of our heart.
Good thoughts :)
Beth said…
hey isaac, i like your thoughts too. and i think what you are saying is close to what i was saying in the second-to-last paragraph...

you know what confuses me about that james passage? is that out of my mouth both blessing and cursing DO come. does that invalidate the one? and if so, which?

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