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Mondays Mean More: Over-thinking

I am, by nature, a thinker. A details person, through-and-through. Combine the two, and I might go so far as to say that it is in my blood to over-think most things in life. It is a rare occasion when I act too quickly or make a decision without extended time to consider all potential angles.

(The exception is speaking too soon. I do that regularly. Then my over-thinker kicks in and I spend the next six weeks wondering what sort of damage I've done. Usually, the other person hasn't noticed, or lets it go far before I do.)

As you might guess, this often gets me into trouble - I stress out over unnecessary things. Decisions that should be simple and obvious. Group activities that require the consideration of more than six peoples' feelings. The consequences of the off-handed comment I made to a friend two weeks ago. This blog entry, that I've been thinking about for 2 weeks and writing for 2 days.

It is now Tuesday morning, and my life-twin Nadine has just said to me, "Man, brains need a pause button." She didn't know that I am in the middle of writing these thoughts down. And that's why she's my life-twin.

It's my own fault that I'm here. In this particular situation, it started with an increased curiousity about who exactly is reading my blog. So I searched out a little info from my stats counter, which was mildly helpful. Someone in Portland reads my blog. But I don't know anyone there. Then a friend texted me that she'd just spent 2 hours catching up on my blog. Then more people came out of the woodwork. It was encouraging. Exciting. And frightening.

If I don't know who's reading my random thoughts, I can't control their perception of me. They know me better than I know them. I've given the world access into my head and my heart. For someone who considers herself fairly private, I'm not sure what I was thinking.

Where am I going with all these thoughts? This entry is already a day late.

It's been hard to write when I've become absorbed with who is reading. And I'm not gonna lie, I've been a bit nervous about the things I've realized regarding readership (which is why complete access to information via the internet is a dangerous thing). But at the end of the day, I don't want to change my blogging behaviour out of fear. So I won't.

Go to sleep, over-thinker. It's time to put your mind on pause.


Kendra said…
Dear Beth,

I live in Portland. And I read your blog. I found your blog in a very round-about way, but it's just so honest and fun that I've kept reading. I'm pretty sure we're kindred spirits. If you're ever in Portland, (which you should be, it's lovely) you have a friend here.

Beth said…
Kendra, Thanks for leaving a note! I'm happy to have you here in my head...and if you blog, I'd love a look inside yours!

I haven't made it to Portland yet, but I do want to come. If/when I do, I'll be sure to blog about it so I can touch base with you :)

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