Skip to main content

On Making Space

It's ten pm.

There's a pie in the oven. I made ginger snaps while the piemaker peeled and chopped.

We chatted as we worked, and laughed, and kissed a few times.

I'm putting together a pump-me-up playlist of lady-songs and trying not to stress about what I'm not getting done.

Tomorrow I have homework to do - a whole semester to map out and plan for.

And there is work-work to do too. I gave up one job so I could get through this last semester, but took on another theoretically smaller one. It's a good job, one I hope to carry on after graduation.

It's been a long time since we've had a night like this, one where we've left the TV off, had the energy to do relaxing things, where I've thought, Maybe I'll write on the blog.

--

I know we're closer to the end of January than the start, but I might say a thing or two about resolutions anyway.

I don't make resolutions. Or rather, I don't like to broadcast my goals, and science tells me that's okay.  The external pressure (even if it's purely imagined) is too much for me.

In the last few years, I've come across the idea of scrapping resolutions in favour of choosing one word you want to focus on for the year. There are multiple sites to help you with this, should you feel the need.

As I was thinking about what word I might choose for this year, the first one to come to mind was less.

Less worry. Less busy. Less stuff. Less junk.

But that didn't quite capture it. Because I also want more.

More confidence. More rest. More laughter.

I want to make space. Maybe that's the best way to capture it: making space. There is a dearth of space in my life. One thing runs into the next. And then I sleep. The idea of having a spacious life feels unattainable. And yet entirely necessary... To be honest, I think a lot about my parent friends these days. I wonder how they do it, how they endure through the overwhelming and never-endingness of parenthood. I wonder, if I become a parent, how I will handle it all.

I think that if I don't start making more space, taking better care and working at resting now, I won't have the fortitude to do it then. And that will be disastrous for all of us. And even if I don't have kids, I know that the pace of these past two years is not one I want/am able to sustain.

So that's my plan for the year. Less and more. Making space. We'll see how it goes.

Tonight's an encouraging start.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The ROM, The Earth & Procreation

Disclaimer: This post is intended to generate discussion and a sharing of many opinions. It is NOT intended to judge or condemn anyone's life choices. I had an unexpected moment at the ROM last month. C and I were listening to a presentation for kids on wildlife conservation (or rather, I was listening, and C was eagerly anticipating what live animal would come out next), when a statement caught my attention and still hasn't let go. For most of history, the earth could provide enough resources for the earth's human population. But today, our population is growing rapidly, increasing by 250 000 people every day... Forty years from now, it will require 2 Earths to provide sustainably for our survival as a human species. But we only have 1 Earth. 250 000 people. Every day. That is roughly twice the size of my hometown. In one day. So I did a little math. (First, I rounded down to 200 000, just in case the figures were inflated or failed to account for some sort o...

Simone Weil: On "Forms of the Implicit Love of God"

Simone Weil time again! One of the essays in Waiting for God  is entitled "Forms of the Implicit Love of God." Her main argument is that before a soul has "direct contact" with God, there are three types of love that are implicitly  the love of God, though they seem to have a different explicit  object. That is, in loving X, you are really loving Y. (in this case, Y = God). As for the X of the equation, she lists: Love of neighbor  Love of the beauty of the world  Love of religious practices  and a special sidebar to Friendship “Each has the virtue of a sacrament,” she writes. Each of these loves is something to be respected, honoured, and understood both symbolically and concretely. On each page of this essay, I found myself underlining profound, challenging, and thought-provoking words. There's so much to consider that I've gone back several times, mulling it over and wondering how my life would look if I truly believed even half of these thi...

Fostering FAQ: How Long Will She Stay/Will You Adopt Her?

Our first foster baby came with about 18 hours notice; it was respite care, which means we had him for a few days while his regular foster family had a break/dealt with a family emergency. He stayed 3 nights, long enough to come to church and have a dozen people cooing over his little sleeping cheeks.  With each new visitor to our quiet corner, I explained again that he would be going back to his foster family the next day. Barely a week later, we got a 9am phone call with a fostering request and by the same afternoon, we were snuggling her. This time, we had her for 4 days before church came around. Again, our community was keen to see the little one we had in tow. Again, the question, "How long will she stay?" And this time, "Are you going to adopt her?" Trying out the carrier... -- Here in Toronto, when a child is placed in foster care, it is always for an indefinite length of time. It depends on the parents' situation, and whether they are able to ...