* not with ink

One of my lovely friends recently went through a break-up, and asked me about the things I've learned from dating, breaking-up, etc... I don't feel like an expert, by any means, but it was encouraging to process and articulate a thought or two in this realm. And now I want to share those thoughts with you! Some thoughts on dating and breaking up and hearing hard things and learning and contentment and loving myself: Thought A : the one most non-negotiable for me in a relationship is that the other person WANTS to be in it with me. I refuse to try and convince someone into it. And I won't waste my emotions on someone who has chosen not to be with me - I am allowed to feel sad/disappointed, but the "pining" for intimacy, love, etc is directed forward, to a future-unknown person, rather than back to what was. I've become convinced that I deserve to be loved as I am, who I am. Thought B : you can't MAKE things work without two people. For me, ...

I just wrote this email to a friend: There is a song by Gungor called "Late Have I Loved You" - do you know it/them? I've been a fan for several years. I recently discovered (via Dan's Lenten guide), that the lyrics of this song were originally written by St. Augustine. As I listened to this song, and thought about Augustine's words, I was struck by the opening line. What does it mean to "love late?" I sat with this question for awhile, and then wrote a poem: “Late have I loved you.” Late have I come to see and know what love is.                 I have tried to control,                 tried to use                 tried to prove and tried to know.  It is only after failing at each of these ...

I've got more email excerpts for you. This may become a series! Ok, this is totally an informal series. If you want to email me and have a profound conversation*, maybe I'll ask if I can post a piece of it here, to bring others into the dialogue. Here's the set-up: I was alarmed to realize today that I don't know what really makes me come alive. I need to think on this more, because there must be a number of things, and I should be doing those things, but I feel like I'm not really doing much that I get excited about.... Some days I'll just feel inspired to do stuff, and on those days it feels like everything is what I was made to do: cycling, dishes, work, conversation, cooking, art, hiking, improv, anything. But I wish I knew more clearly what makes my heart come alive... do you know for yourself? Do you ever get into this with your SD**? Does this question seem important to you? I'm thinking about it a lot at this moment, so it feels very i...

Earlier this summer, a new friend asked me in an email if/when I first started questioning my faith. This is my response, edited slightly for clarity. I wanted to share it because it is honest but risky, and I want to be honest. I also want to ask you all the same question I ask her at the end... What about you? What's your story? I think my questioning started in high school, when I was 14 or 15. I had a lot of self-loathing; most of it came from the gap between how others perceived me (the good Christian girl) and who I felt I was (someone who didn't understand if or how my faith worked outside of church walls...) I didn't admit most of my questions and fears for years, and at the time I definitely accepted teachings that I don't anymore. The more I've seen and interacted with real life, picked up pieces of philosophy, and come to understand the methodology behind historical criticism, the more I've re-examined my beliefs. Having a friend who loves Jesus ...

A friend and I are discussing my "active social life" and she writes to me: my question: in the middle of all this, do you feel lonely? i.e. do you feel like your relational needs are met? (five minutes later) it's kind of strange. i realized as i was typing that last email that I feel afraid that you are lonely. ha! strange reaction. i believe in my mind that loneliness is not somehting to be feared, but apparently that is not how i feel in my heart of hearts. (my response) You ask such good questions. You know, I thought a lot about loneliness on the Camino, and I have come to this realization/belief: there is a difference between loneliness and what I call "only-ness." Onlyness is the reality that only I experience my life, and that there will always be a level of my personhood that is inaccessible/viewed differently/misunderstood by others. No one else sees me or the world around me precisely like I do at all times. No one else can feel things on ...