* not with ink

This post has taken me longer to write than I expected. I started, but it very quickly became a rant. It rambled; it griped; it wasn't something I was proud of. So I scrapped it and waited a few days, and here's what I've got now: I don't have a recipe for building the perfect family. I don't believe in how-to guides for life, or one-size-fits-all solutions. I'm quite opposed to the idea that such a thing could or  should  be possible. There are simply too many variables. There are too many stories. It's as simple as that. Build your family in the way that makes sense, fits your life. Invest in them. Love them. I know many of you are doing this, in a myriad of ways.... So. Based on the overwhelming kind response to my last post, and this firm belief that sharing our stories is one of the best ways we can help each other learn, I'd like to invite you to send me your stories around family, family-building, child-bearing, not-child-bearing, o...

This is my story. From the time I was hardly more than a toddler, I knew I wanted to be a mother. I have loved babies (and kids) for as long as I can remember. Having babies of my own was always an assumption in my life. Until I hit 25. And was still unmarried. And I started thinking that maybe I would never be in a stable, long-term relationship. And then there was another factor. The biological one. A friend of mine had stopped getting her period a few years earlier; when she finally went to the doctor, she discovered she was in danger of developing osteoporosis. When I heard her story, I grimaced internally. My own period had been on the decline over the past few years; I'd never been "regular" and by 25, I was maybe getting it twice a year. To be honest, I didn't mind too much. It's not like anyone I know enjoys  having their period. In the back of my mind had been the fear of infertility, but it seemed so remote, so far off. I hadn't thought about...

In the fall of 2006, I moved to Vancouver. My first weekend there, I made an IKEA run with a friend to purchase furniture for my tiny new bedroom, as one does. We were walking out of the store, pushing a trolley with a stack of boxes, when my phone rang. It was my older brother and his wife, calling to tell me that they were pregnant. I remember being so  excited, but also very aware that the distance between Vancouver and Ontario was significant enough that I wasn't going to be present for most of the milestones this would lead to. I wondered how to involve myself from far away. I started realizing that it's my responsibility to contribute to these relationships, that I needed to be intentional in what I wanted to build. This phone call kick-started a change in how I think about family. It was the first moment that I realized being an adult  in the family is completely different than being a kid. (this post, I realize, is less of a woman's issue and more of a grown-u...

Y'all know I'm not afraid to open up the big ol' taboo box and pick a topic and then wave around a brightly lit flag that says, "OVER HERE! LOOK OVER HERE AT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT." I've done it before. And I want to do it again. -- It's the start of August, and the closest I have to vacation time this year, so I think it's time for some straight talk about big things, thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for awhile, questions that keep me up at night, and dilemmas that, quite frankly, need more attention. Let's get real. Let's talk about some lady things. Now before you men run off and say, "OH, OKAY, SEE YOU LATER," I'd like to ask you to stick around . Because all men have women in their families, and likely have lady-friends, and lady-colleagues, and other kinds of relationships that involve ladies, whether professional or personal. And  I (almost) guarantee you that these posts will help you und...