* not with ink

5 Rules for Being a (North) American Adult (paraphrased from a lecture by Anne Lamott, whose priest friend shared them with her many years ago) 1. Have it all together. 2. If you don't have it all together, fix whatever is broken in you so that you do have it all together. 3. If you can't fix whatever's broken, pretend that you have. 4. If you can't pretend to be fixed, don't show up - it's a bit embarrassing to the rest of us. 5. If you do decide to show up broken, at least have the decency to be ashamed of yourself. -- We are encultured towards self-loathing and self-avoidance.  Be perfect. Do it all, do it right.  If you can't be better, pretend you are. Don't look any deeper. Keep busy. Keep your chin up. Keep up appearances. It takes so much energy. It takes too much energy. -- What would happen if I just loved myself? is the question I have been asking since my last post.   It's the question I ...

Some sins are more comfortable than others. (More comfortable to confess, at least.) William Carlos Williams’ poem, “This Is Just to Say,” is a quintessentially endearing confession: I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold It’s not that hard to confess eating the plums. We sheepishly shrug our shoulders, offer a hug or a kiss, buy a few more plums for tomorrow, and move on. But it’s harder to confess the sins on my heart this week. Sins that are not only my own, but make others culpable too. Sins rooted in arrogance and self-centredness (okay, all sins are rooted there), sins that categorically look down on other people simply because they are not like me. I need to confess these sins because I don’t entirely know what to do with them. I need to confess these sins because they are almost ever-present in my life. I need to confess these sins because ev...

This post has been ten years in the making. It started when I graduated from my undergrad degree, and created this blog. I had just accepted my first full-time job. I was getting ready to move across the country. I bought my first cell phone. Twitter didn't exist. Facebook was just a baby. Now here I am, in 2016, about to graduate from my Masters degree. In the intervening decade, I have: Moved across the country, and then moved back east, to the largest city in our nation.  Held four different jobs - ministry, nanny, small business, college office.  Freelanced as a photographer, and as an editor/writer. Traveled to six different countries- three each in Europe and Africa. Lived in five different homes (#6 is two weeks away!).  Dated five men, and been on many other dates. Been a bridesmaid six times.  Celebrated other weddings, births, and joys.  Walked with loved ones through illness (physical and mental), death, infidelity, and other hear...

“Love is a waste of time.” The best possible waste – an extravagant gift with no guarantees. No measure of success and a great deal of risk. Love is a waste that we all want to have too much of running over flowing freely wasted on us. Love is a waste of time – but I still hope you waste your time on me. -- Today's Scripture readings include this story about a woman wasting a year's worth of perfume on the feet of Jesus.  It is one of three stories we have about this Mary. The other two are the death (and return to life) of her brother , and her refusal to leave the presence of Jesus to help her sister prepare dinner . I think that this trio of stories is worth looking at together. And I think that what we find here is a woman whose relationship with Jesus was characterized by intimacy, and that intimacy gave her a willingness to be judged by others, to let her love be seen as wasteful and extravagant. She defied societal norms. She gave sacrifi...

“Count the stars,” he told me. “This land will be yours,” he said. Outrageous! I thought. “How will I know?” I asked. I brought the sacrifice, slaughtered the animals, sat down, and waited. He didn’t warn me that after the promises, the obedience, and the waiting, the darkness would come. From Genesis 15 , the Old Testament lectionary reading for today. This is one of several passages in which God makes a covenant with Abram. What struck me in this particular instance is the strange, unsettling way in which God reiterates the covenant. What was Abram expecting; how did he think God would respond to his request for a sign or guarantee of the promise? Why did God put Abram to sleep and send a "terrifying darkness" after making these massive and intimate promises? And what does either of these questions have to do with us today?

This morning, I led a hospital ecumenical service, and gave a short message on  Luke 4:1-13  and its significance for those of us who are observing Lent.  I decided to post it here because I'm planning on sharing some Lenten poetry in the next few weeks, and I know that many of my readers are from Christian traditions that don't observe Lent, or from traditions that aren't exclusively Christian. I hope this helps set Lent into a specific context and a narrative - and I'm always happy to hear what doesn't make sense, or dialogue around any of the content. If you're unfamiliar with the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness, click on the link above so you can see what story I'm referencing! For many Christians around the world, we are now in the season of Lent. And when Christians talk about Lent, there are a few other words that are very often heard: wilderness fasting temptation preparation Each of these words is present in the Scripture story we...

Ashes and dust, we all fall down. These bodies of ours will fade away Til nothing is left but a smudge. The smallest trace of life. All our dreams and doings, Our hopes and hollering. One dirty smear for the eye to see And the invisible effects Of how we lived: The slaves we loosed The meals we shared The time we gave And the fullness of our grace.

Last week, my placement tasked me with unpacking my "personal experience theology" - writing, sharing, and discussing my personal theology around many interrelated topics. As I wrote out definitions and thought about my experience of certain concepts, I was encouraged, challenged, and a little bit nervous. And then I shared it with my colleagues, and they asked me a bazillion questions, and pointed out common themes, and shared their insights into my insights, and it was lovely and terrifying and gave me lots of food for thought. And now I'm going to share some of these 'personal statements' with you. And, as always, I would love to hear your thoughts on my thoughts... Evil –  actively harming another, disregarding their autonomy and/or humanity, using them for personal pleasure or gain without their consent, intentionally deceiving  – when I think of my own personal experience of evil, I think of two types – my own temptations towards evil, towards disreg...

"I don't think I believe in anything anymore," someone told me recently. "Do you?" "I do believe in some things," I said. "Like what?" "I believe in love, in giving of ourselves in ways that make us more, not less. I believe in Jesus. I believe that he really lived, really died, really came back to life. I believe that changes everything. I believe that God is everywhere, and God is always acting, and sometimes we get to join in, and contribute to redemption and healing. I believe in old wounds healing over and broken things being made whole. I believe in relationships, in giving and receiving, in letting people in bit by bit, and discovering that we change each other, that we're not meant to go it alone. I believe in creating. I believe in contributing honest and hope filled beauty to the world in whichever ways we are gifted. Doing math or science or fixing things or being a parent or painting or simply smiling at th...

Last week, one of my lovely friends sent me an email with a poem (few things make me happier), because she had been "musing about strength and how one can develop and foster her own strength etc," alongside a recent conversation we'd had.* The poem was perfectly apt, and so we talked a bit about strength, and endurance and how life always has glitches and struggles that we cannot avoid. There is only one way ahead, and we have to go there. Going where you have to go.  Doing the needful, another friend calls it. But doing it in a certain way. One that expects capacity to increase, I guess, and believes that going where you have to go is ultimately going to be GOOD. I often think about this when things are overwhelming, or something in me resists what is inevitable, unavoidable, or already chosen: do I believe that the outcome will be good? That it will be worth it? Why or why not? If I do , then how do I help myself press on? If I don't , why do I feel the nee...

Simone Weil time again! One of the essays in Waiting for God  is entitled "Forms of the Implicit Love of God." Her main argument is that before a soul has "direct contact" with God, there are three types of love that are implicitly  the love of God, though they seem to have a different explicit  object. That is, in loving X, you are really loving Y. (in this case, Y = God). As for the X of the equation, she lists: Love of neighbor  Love of the beauty of the world  Love of religious practices  and a special sidebar to Friendship “Each has the virtue of a sacrament,” she writes. Each of these loves is something to be respected, honoured, and understood both symbolically and concretely. On each page of this essay, I found myself underlining profound, challenging, and thought-provoking words. There's so much to consider that I've gone back several times, mulling it over and wondering how my life would look if I truly believed even half of these thi...

Last week, I introduced you to one of my recently-discovered heroines . Today I'd like to explain a little bit about what I see in her life and writings that grabs my attention, and in my next post, I'll share some quotes & thoughts from her works. Here's why I'm drawn in by Simone Weil: From a very young age, she strove for equality for all humanity , and believed in the need to care for the afflicted. Although she experienced profound mystical moments , and had a deep belief in the Christian faith, she died "outside" the Catholic church, having refused to be baptized - she felt it would compromise her intellectual integrity, and separate her from those with whom she most desired solidarity. Simone trusted herself and her experiences - when she first experienced Christ's presence, it was wholly unexpected and unknown to her. In fact, she wrote that "God in his mercy had prevented me from reading the mystics, so that it should be evident t...

At my current church, there is an adorable old man named George. There's something about old-man Georges that get to me. (It's probably not hard for you all to figure it out.)  This George is even older than my Grampie. And on top of being a centarian, he is also a poet. In fact, when I initially expressed interest in his poetry, he brought me three of his four volumes the following week (he couldn't find any copies of Volume 1). A few weeks ago, during coffee hour (after the early service, 8 or 10 of us sit around and eat a breakfast of cookies and coffee), we got to discussing the weather, and this slow movement towards spring. One of my friends/colleagues there is a Maritimer, and she is particularly fond of the winter season. I am not so inclined. She was lamenting the ugliness of this liminal season before spring, and the inevitability of wet feet and dirty half-snow everywhere. "I look forward to the slush!" George piped up. And we all laughed. ...

For the majority of Christians around the world, it is now Lent - a season observed as we approach Easter. Though Lent has been a part of the Christian calendar for over a thousand years, it is a relatively new practice for me. So when I was asked to preach on Ash Wednesday, I was both excited and a bit nervous. On Ash Wednesday, many Christians are marked with ashes on their foreheads, and the words, "Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return," are spoken over them.    Encouraging, right?    Here's what I shared - drawing on the texts of Joel 2:1-2, 12-17 , Psalm 103:8-18 , Matthew 6:1-6,16-21 , and Psalm 51 . I went to university in my hometown, and though I lived on my own, I often borrowed my parents’ vehicle. On one particular occasion,  I borrowed it to renew my passport in a nearby town. My roommate went with me, and we had a great drive - until we got to the parking lot. It was tiny, and I was driving an 8 passenger Safari van. But I ...

I imagine the name Christina Rossetti doesn't ring a bell to most of you. But you might know of her work; most well-known of her poems is the Christmas carol "In the Bleak Midwinter" (I'm a huge fan of Sarah McLachlan's version ). She also wrote a poem called " Goblin Market " and one entitled " Who Has Seen the Wind? " and many, many others. She is one of the most well-known female poets out of England, up there with Elizabeth Barrett Browning. And alongside her poetry, she wrote devotional and theological works. (What a delight to find a new kindred spirit!) Tonight, I am reading her rather obscure Letters and Spirit: Notes on the Commandments  (not even listed on Wikipedia !) as the focus of my final paper for last semester's class on Women Interpreters of the Bible. Yes, last semester... my prof suggested I take an extension, what with the wedding and all - and while I was reluctant, it did  make a whole lot of sense and relieve a...

In the fall, I preached for the first time at an actual church, with a hundred listeners, a microphone, and fancy robes.  Of course, the passages I was assigned to tackle (I had my choice of 3) were all about the end of the world as we know it. Not generally a popular topic, certainly a controversial one, and quite honestly, a rather stressful one for me on the occasion of my first sermon.  Two months later, I feel okay about it... I have a tiny bit of experience under my belt, a whole lot of encouragement from my community, and a renewed sense of my love for discussing the big ideas and questions of life.  So I wanted to share this sermon (and maybe some of the others I've given since) with you all.  If you are not a church person and you're still reading, first of all - I commend you. And secondly, I'd particularly love to hear your thoughts! I know there can be a lot of church-speak, and strange ideas, but I am keen to make the strangeness of the Ch...