* not with ink

I have had a cold since last Monday. Today is the first day I can breathe through my nose. On this Monday, I woke up with a stomach bug. It was not a pleasant day. But guess what!? I am nearly better and nearly done. This morning I sent in a take-home exam and wrote the in-class portion. Then I ate some lunch and laughed a lot and then I went to the library. And now, five hours later, I am almost there. "There" being finished. I have one half of a ten page assignment completed. The difficult half. So I came online and said hi to a friend: me:   want to skim seven pages of catechetical analysis? ha ha ha ha ha ha wait. only 6 pages. it is supposed to be 4. :S Teagen:   catechteticghct all? kitty-catical? kitty, calico?? me:   yep. it's six pages of kitty pictures and criticism of them. Teagen:   then YES!!! give them here     Oh, if only I were analyzing adorable kittens.    Although I am also enj...

(yeah, I went there. Semisonic for the win. Who doesn't secretly love this song !?) I wasn't sad about wrapping up my job, and I wasn't stressed about moving. Until twelve hours before each. And then it hit me, all the feelings. Of course, it's too late to turn back then, and I didn't want to undo either decision, but there were all these feelings, and mostly I just wanted to sleep. The last few days at work were great. I have no qualms about my decision to leave, but I did realize again that my boss and I have been in close quarters for three years, and despite the differences between us, and my lack of career interest in her business, she has been a staunch supporter and frequent encourager of me. I am grateful. Then my parents brought a van and a bed in the van, and they were troopers and my mom packs like a pro (no seriously, she is a pro), and my dad moves boxes so well, and what kind of movers also take you out for dinner? The best kind. Toda...

from October 2010. I don't miss nannying, but maybe I kind of do... I definitely miss kids. Kids are so funny and weird and irritating and adorable. C asked me today, "How are people made?" He also asked (while in the bath) if he could wash my hair. I said no, because my clothes would get wet and water would get out of the tub. He said, "Then can you take off your clothes and get in the bath with me?" The desire to wash my hair started earlier, when he was sitting on my lap after dinner. He was drinking large mouthfuls of water, and asked if he could wash my hair with it. Distracted by a conversation with his brother, I didn't answer fast enough - and he fountained a mouthful of water down my shirt.

From sometime in 2010. No edits. Last week, I got asked out. In Dreamland, this boy* and I had the sort of relationship where lots of people wonder if we're dating, or when we'll date, etc etc. (I think it's because Nadine told me that I am " the queen of the non-date date. " Which reminded me of this conversation and made me laugh.) As part of his I-like-you speech, he told me that a friend of his said to him, "Get gay, get out, or get balls." Meaning: if he were gay, then our friendship would make sense. If he had no plans to ever date me, he needed to not pseudo-date me. Or he needed to man up and ask me out. Clearly he picked option #3. Then he asked if he could borrow my car. Since it wasn't actually my car, but a car I had borrowed from a woman who goes to the church I grew up at (gotta love the random dream connections), I said I'd drive him. So we went to his "apartment," which was also on loan from someone else. I...

Chatting with my American friend Teagen this morning, and conversation turned to tomorrow's holiday. She expressed concern about the current big-meal plan, wondering if the plans will be amenable to all involved.... Teagen: as i said, hopefully it will all work out : ) me: i'm sure it will. Besides, Thanksgiving isn't thanksgiving without a bit of tension and drama, right???   (ha.) Teagen: it's true. that's why i always get annoyed with people that avoid their families on thanksgiving. DEALWITHIT. wait, that deserves a hashtag #DEALWITHIT me:  yes. your uncle only wants to watch NFL and not talk to anyone? #DealWithIt the kids are running around screaming because they each ate 3 pieces of pie? #DealWithIt your grandma fell asleep at the table? #DealWithIt that's family. it's how we roll. #DealWithIt Teagen: The turkey is over/under-cooked #dealwithit NO ONE IS HELPING WITH THE DISHES??? #DEALWITHIT you don't like pie? TOOBAD #deal...

When I came online yesterday morning, the following email greeted me: From: Alasdair Lindop Date: August 21, 2012 8:50AM Subject: disappointed You didn't send me the Hey Ocean MP3. You quoted me in your blog without permission. Double kick in the balls. One in each ball, to be precise. ouch. Well. Just to be clear, Alasdair was " friend #1 ." He was online, so I messaged him. me : i'm sorry!    on a scale of 1-10, how upset are you really?   Alasdair : 17    the damage has been done me : this is it, hey? the end of our friendship-road. over a funny quote and the fact that i didn't turn my laptop on when I got home at 10:30 last night.   Alasdair : precisely   me : it's only fitting, i suppose.   Alasdair : fitting? me : that this is how it goes down.    over a music battle.   Alasdair : right.   me : and because i didn't give you enough of a platform on my blog.    it m...

I am online all day  (except for when cables are cut and we have no phone or internet, as happened last week. Hopefully it never happens again), and I have two international friends with whom I sometimes chat. It is life-giving and often entertaining. Today was both. friend 1: how was the cottage? me: so. so. good. friend 1: hmmm. so good, then? me: yes. i wanted to stay forever. i loved not speaking to anyone. friend 1: haha i think i would go crazy maybe maybe after a few hours it would balance out and i'd learn to love it me: my boss just said the same thing. that she would go crazy. i don't know what it was...but it did kind of make me want to be a hermit. i mean, eventually i would want to talk to people, i think. but i don't know how soon. friend 1: haha you'll never find a nice boy that way... ;) me: yeah. i don't know how to find one anyway. although dream-beth met a nice boy around 5 am this morning. friend 1...

me: Today is June 15. We are halfway through the month. We are halfway through THE YEAR today! Karen: Um, no. That's the end of June. But we're almost there... me: Right... Yep. That's true. a text convo, re: a change in my plans -  me: Hey, turns out I'm coming straight home from work after all. Not sure what you're up to, but just thought I'd let you know. Karen: Dang. I guess I'll have to find a different Naked Night this week. me: Yup. And I've called dibs on tomorrow. and texting on her move-in day -  Karen:  We might have to reinforce the walls and windows in our apartment... How else will it be able to contain all of our awesomeness?? me: Our awesome is going to blow this mother down. Karen: Whoa, whoa, whoa... Let's not be hasty. We want our security deposit back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WHO AM I KIDDING????? me: I am literally laughing out loud on the bus. Karen: HEY BUS PEOPLE, YOU ARE MISSING SOME QUALITY ROOMMATES...

Two things I have missed lately: 1. Chilling at home. 2. Writing down Nadine's funny quotes. Tonight has been the perfect remedy. Grammy Awards, me in my pj's, Nadine & Matt on the other couch. Then, me and Nadine and our laptops. Enjoy. (on Foo Fighters) "Why am I all nostalgic about Dave Grohl? I feel like he was my kindergarten crush or something." (unrelated conversation) me: "I told him I have two dreams in life... to have dreads and to have a nose piercing." her: "If those are your only dreams in life, you could make ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE TOMORROW. Like, after work!" (on Adam Levine) Nadine: "That's a bit of a manipulative outfit. Vest and rolled up sleeves?" Matt: "So, no one's allowed to wear a vest anymore?" Nadine: "Well, they CAN, but if they ever ask anything of a woman, she WILL say yes. So if you ever want me to do anything for you, put on a vest and roll up your sleeves....

Today was the first meeting of the Saturday Brunch Club, founded by Karen. Everyone is welcome. These are the rules (So far. Still under construction.): The first member to the restaurant will have their coffee/tea paid for by the last member to arrive. There is a ten minute grace period for late arrivals. After ten minutes, we sit without you.  Unless agreed upon at the time of ordering, members are not required to share their food. Members need to bring cash for easy bill settling. I think that's pretty much it. We meet every two weeks, and next up is Lady Marmalade . Come and eat!

Last night, I pretty much told friends of mine that they should have a baby. I know better than this... But I was feeling all baby-loving from the sweet girl I'd just passed off, and may have said something like, "I think all my friends should have babies so I can borrow them. You know, since that's not really in my foreseeable future..."** "Actually," the husband replied, "You know it's only ever nine months away..." I laughed as I looked down at my phone. Someone had texted me. It read: "I had a dream that you had a child out of wedlock the other night. :) Just read your post. :)" Let's chalk that one up to bad cheese and impeccable timing... **remember last year when I said I didn't know if I wanted to/should have kids ? This is where I stand now; I want to be actively involved in parenting the next generation, but what that looks like and whether my own biological children will be involved is still a mystery. Pr...

A far-away friend texted me this morning: A: So...this is weird, buuuut...I had a  dream about you last night. We were in a church, and you were getting married. I have no idea who the groom was, but he was good-looking and you were gorgeous... me: I can't wait to hear details!! I hope I marry a good-looking man. A: Assuming my dream was prophetic...keep your eye out for one with _________ hair ;) me: Ha ha. Will do... All three of my fall-back crushes* have _________ hair. A: Hm...well, apparently my subconscious knows your type. He's into __________ too...that was a major theme in my dream/your wedding. It was a very philanthropic event :) me: I'LL TAKE HIM! I'm not going to read anymore into your dream, but two of the three are still in the running. A: Lol! Good call. I would much rather have you consult Jesus instead of my dream (which was undoubtedly a product of the slightly-off cheese I had with dinner last night...) *For those of you unfa...

I have been home from Spain for one month. Where did it go? I don't know. But since I'm still thinking about Spain, I'm still blogging about Spain. One of my favourite parts of the trip (as everyone has been asking) is how much laughter there was. The days were not always easy, and things did not always happen perfectly. But we laughed. Oh, we laughed. Mostly, I laughed at K's incredibly fast wit. Here is a list of some of the funniest things she said during the trip. It all started with this one, on the plane: Flight attendant: (speaking with a French accent) We're going to dime the lights shortly... K: We're going to dime these things til they're nickeled! After that, I kept a detailed log. These are in chronological order, and as out-of-context as my quote entries usually are. The great thing, though, is that in my head I can picture the context for each one and it has me giggling all over again. I just touched my tongue to my arm...

Back from the cottage. The four of us had a blast. The only sadness I felt was when the other couple I'd invited couldn't come - which is actually very sad. And when we got eaten alive by mosquitoes after dousing ourselves in DEET and standing in the smoke of the campfire. I only ate TWO MARSHMALLOWS. As evidence of some of the good times we had, I give you a small selection of the many hilarious quotes from Amelia, my American friend who is married to an Indian , neither of whom have done the Canadian summer cottage thing before. I like to be on time. For vacation. Woah. This gives a whole new meaning to the toilet as throne! (thirty seconds after saying goodnight) Amelia: Gasp! me: What?! Amelia: Oh, sorry. I have a problem. me: What? Amelia: I fall asleep really fast and have tiny dreams. There's a lot of goose poop here. I'm pretty sure we were making out with it with our feet last night. I'm trying to convince myself that if I had a ...

G went into the ravine yesterday with some friends, even though I had expressly forbidden it. I told him we would discuss this with his mom when she came home. Our conversation went thusly: Mom - G, there are strange men in the ravine. G - Not where we were! Mom - If you don't believe me, we can go down and watch them and you will never want to go down there again. Me - (trying to hide a smile) Mom - I'm telling you, there are strange men there. And they like little boys. G - (looking perplexed, distracted by his quest for more chicken) Me - (still trying not to smile) C, across the room - Do they want to kidnap him? Mom - I don't know if they want to kidnap him, but they want to do SOMETHING to him... (she KNOWS I'm cracking up) C - They want to take him home and cook him and fry him for dinner!! Me - (bursts of laughter) Mom - (silently eating her chicken, totally non-plussed) Today, C and I went into the ravine. We didn't see any strange men, and he se...

mother of a child with curly hair: "Do strangers stop you in the grocery store to comment on your hair?" me, to the father of C's friend: "Hi, I'm C's nanny." mother of C's friend: "Au pair. I feel like nanny isn't the right term for what you are." me: "Sure, au pair..." friend 1: "Sometimes I feel like you're more of a hired mom than a nanny." me: "Um, that is a nanny." me: "Let me get the door for you." brother: "Sure. But first, can you take my socks off?" my nephew, in an awed voice: "Aunt Beth, did you know that asparagus are plants? " my nephew, again: "I'm having my ice cream in a clone! " friend 2: "I fell in love with ribs. It is kind of like falling in love with a person, but better. Because there is more licking at the start of the relationship." friend 3: "People say they want real community, b...

Today was endlessly amusing chez nous. (It was also endlessly frustrating, but more on that in an upcoming post. This is all about the laughter.) C: Do snakes poop? Me: Yes. All animals poop. If you eat, you poop. C: But where does it come out from? Me: They have a special hole just like we do. But I'm not sure where it is, because they don't have bums like we do. C: Do alligators poop? Crocodiles? Because they don't have bums either. Me: They poop out of a special hole like snakes do. C: But where is it? Me: I have no idea. (ten minutes later) C: Where do clementines come from? Me: They grow on trees! C: Where did you come from? Me: I grew inside my mommy. C: But how did you get all your parts? Me: Pardon? C: How did you get all your people parts? Me: Um. (five minutes later) C: I'm going to read your book! Me: Ok. C: But there aren't any pictures! Me: No, there aren't. C: But how can you read it t...

I told Nadine the other day that I am not allowed to own a cat. The second you have a single woman and a cat... Well, I just can't handle being remotely close to that stereotype. Or having people attempt to  joke about that stereotype with me. Or anything like that. Besides, I'm not ready to give up my jet-setting ways, and pets have a way of making that difficult. There is a house in the wealthy neighbourhood I live in. The boys call it "The Cat House" and rightly so. On any given day, there are between four and seven golden cats out front. The faint smell of cat urine is sometimes detectable from the sidewalk. It is a dilapidated house, particularly in comparison to the rest of the street. But those cats sure do seem content. And someone sure does love them. Then along comes a video like this, and I think, Maybe...maybe a kitten wouldn't be such a bad idea .

Midnight panic, as I inadvertently put a virus on a friend's computer. Decided to deal with it in the morning, curled up for a glorious late night chat with her roommate. Sleep? Who needs it! Pancake breakfast. Hello, family! Thanks for scaring me, Mom. Thankful for my dad who has computer skills. Virus solved, preventative software installed. Taxes! Four cheese grilled cheese on homemade bread! Driving a red Camaro. Good friends with cute kids. Reading Are You My Mother ? Laughing. Attempt #2 to find a swimsuit. Luckless. Big brother! Big sister! Spouses and cutest ever kids. Photos and stories from my brother's trip to Burkina Faso. More photos. Whispered teasing with my sister. More photos. Jesskah loves my wheels. Grampie makes me laugh. Movie I will watch and probably love/hate: Arthur . Helping parents with tech stuff is fun. Welcome to twitter, Dad. I like late night drives and the way time flies when you're talking with a friend. Bed! Ca...

I was just venting to Nadine about my dislike of April Fools' Day, and she helped me find the words for my emotions: "Lies are not pranks. Whoopee cushions and pepper in the salt shaker are pranks." Thank you. Lies are not pranks. I hate being lied to. Ugh. Such an awful feeling. And I am a terrible liar, 95% of the time. But you know what I did find funny today? This blog post. If the words "Rob Bell" "Love Wins" or "Endless Theological Debates" pique any interest in your mind, this is for you. (Similarly, I once found this version of The Secret on a bookshelf. I laughed for days.)