* not with ink

Sometimes, the internet is a wonderful tool for unexpected delights and exciting new discoveries. And sometimes, the internet startles you with unwanted knowledge and scars you with images you can't unsee. And I don't just mean the sex stuff. Yesterday, I was looking for an image of a particular person using Google image search, when suddenly, in the third line of images, was a photo that was definitely not someone's face . As my brain processed what I was seeing, I quickly refined my search terms and carried on. Although I was somewhat amused, it wasn't exactly the sort of picture you casually show your boss... So that was it. But last night, when Karen & Jackie (our fabulous houseguest for the week) asked about my day, I remembered. And I needed to share the trauma. So I pulled my computer over to the middle of the living room, entered the same search term, and started scrolling. Of course, from a different account the results weren't the same, and ...

Does anyone else remember this song? And if so, did you EVER see this video!? Crazy times. There is so much to say: a. those crop tops. b. the hair styles! c. orange. d. why the children!? e. all the languages! f. the floating TV

Did the Monday blahs get you down? Is Tuesday being threatened by more gray clouds? No more gloominess for you. I have the antidote, via Youtube and some fun-loving families somewhere in the US. Unless you hate children, these videos will make your day. I am offering a 92% guarantee that you will laugh at least once. Karen laughed so hard she slid off her chair. Without further ado, I present to you…. KID SNIPPETS! And their sister-production, KID HISTORY!  

The long bus ride to Guelph was worth it last night. Worth it to laugh with my siblings, parents and grandparents. Worth it to snuggle with the wee ones. Worth it to eat chocolate fondue by the spoonful. Worth it to celebrate my mother's 60th birthday. "I can own up to 50," she told me earlier in the day, "But I don't feel 60." I think that's fair. I like to think of her as 50ish as well. Am I the only one who finds it difficult to let my parents become the grandparents? Who sometimes feels a pang of fear that people my parents' age are retiring, slowing down, occasionally dying? I was thinking yesterday about this fear of aging, the inability to wrap my head around it and embrace it...but I'm getting to somber for this particular post. Back to the point. Here are some photos that take us back to when my mom was hardly 40...and I was maybe 10. My dad looks essentially the same today, although his glasses are slightly smaller. ...

post #2 in my series on Very Big Conversations About Women I was going to start this post with the statement, "rape jokes are never funny." But as my thoughts have taken shape, I've realized two things - first, that my concerns extend beyond solely  rape jokes. And secondly, I know that I have laughed at jokes that may fall under the rape-joke category . The one that comes to mind is Mike Birbiglia's story about moving a new bed into his apartment . Last night, I lay in bed unpacking why I find this particular joke funny rather than offensive, and I'm not sure if I can explain or justify it. (what do you think? Is it offensive? Why/why not?) So I am not going to say, categorically, that any kind of joke is never funny . Humour is a complex blend of art and science, and one of its functions is to push limits and make observations that otherwise may not happen. I recognize that. But. I have been in the room when an off-colour story or joke is told, and it is...

Every once in awhile, I see something that makes me laugh out loud, while also blowing my mind and confusing me. Earlier this week, it was a little boy at the park, wearing a shopping bag as a romper. I wanted to take a picture (I started to take a picture), but he was playing at the splash pad, and his guardian was there, and let's face it; creepy much? Thankfully, Karen was with me, and she can draw. Here is what he looked like: I do not know whether this was his mother's idea or his, and if this is supposed to somehow keep him dry? All I know is, he was quite content in his perfectly-sized grocery-bag get-up.

I had one of those weekends that was good  and lovely , but at the same time, there were moments of sadness and fear. Over the past few months, I've been paying more attention to my feelings, fighting them less and giving myself permission to feel the things I do, even when they don't make sense to me or I don't particularly want  them.  I think I'm not the only person like this. I've also been more intentional in thinking about the happy moments, the things I'm grateful for and the people I love. I find it increasingly difficult to accurately articulate and capture the way I experience life, but sometimes a poor attempt is better than none at all. So, after that preamble, here are some recent moments that deserve recording: 1. Amelia slept over. Just being around her is relaxing to me. Also, we introduced her to So You Think You Can Dance  and devoured more kettle corn  with our upstairs neighbour, whom I quite adore. Karen and I recently came up wit...

1. My holidays are officially underway, and I am a happy camper. 2. I am singing this song: (That's also what I look like when I dance.)  3. This cartoon on text-flirting, wit, and insecurity . 4. These sleep-walking quotes . 5. This c artoon(is it a cartoon?) on travel and leaving luggage behind .

It's the Summer of the Skirt. Or Summer of the Dress . Summer of Pantslessness, perhaps. Anyway, these are the inconveniences I've encountered thus far: My current favourite skirt. Cost me $5. Also, the guilty party in story #3. 1. You have to shave more frequently. This isn't about being anti-shaving. It's about being lazy. And fair-haired. But the extra five minutes in the shower are worth it in feel-good points. 2. You will get more attention when out and about. Partially, it is because you carry yourself taller when you feel better about yourself, and that confidence is notable. Partially, it is because you have legs. Either way, it happens. Be prepared.* 3. You will inevitably expose your undergarments at least once, no matter how careful you are. This will, of course, happen near a busy intersection when one hand is full and the other is rifling through your bag for the mail you are trying to drop off. Stay calm, don't make eye contact with the peopl...

I've been slacking on the blogging, etc etc... I have a myriad of excuses, as always, which I will refrain from explaining. --- Nadine gets married on Saturday and this week is incredibly fun and full. I am sure there will be pictures and stories to follow. My new roommate, the amazing Karen, moves in the weekend after. There will be stories a-plenty, and likely pictures. I am very excited to rearrange the living room. It's like a whole new apartment! I'm also considering moving my bedroom around, but there aren't many options to try... --- Post-Lent, my sugar consumption has increased, but not nearly to pre-Lent levels. Spiritual significance aside, I think this is a good thing. The reality is, my body no longer processes/wants sugar in the same ways I used to. Spiritually/metaphorically speaking, I am craving more substantial foods and less quick-burning calories. This is also a good thing. --- I have a friend in Portland with whom I pass my days. We g-...

Yesterday I said to the internets, "Entertain me!" These are the two best responses to my demand: This dog is jumping DOUBLE DUTCH. I don't even know if I can still do that! Don't you feel just a little bit sad for this poor melancholic mouser?

Yesterday was Grampie's 93rd birthday. NINETY-THIRD. I called him and we talked about all sorts of things, including (of course), his sweetheart of 63 years, whom he misses terribly. "It was love at first sight. She winked at me with both eyes and I knew she'd fallen for me. Of course, being a sophisticated city boy, it took me a bit longer to fall for her." "How much longer?" "About ten seconds." Oh, I love this man. He is a treasure. If I live to be his age, I hope that I have half the independence, humour, and heart that he shows on a daily basis. (Here he is in June 2008, on his 62nd anniversary.)

On Saturday, my nephew pulled out his doctor kit. After giving my wrist a bandaid, he took my temperature. "Look, Aunt Beth," as he held the thermometer inches from my face, "You have a fever." "I DO!? Oh dear! What do I do? How do I get better?" "You have to stay in bed for ten days." "Okay. I will." "Now say Ahhhhhhh." "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh." "Uh oh. You have tongue-throat." "Tongue-throat? What does that mean?" "It means your tummy will be sick for ten thousand days." "Ohhhhhhhhhhh no."  After sharing this hilarity with a friend, another friend tweeted her under-the-weather-woes this morning...and it was soon resolved that we should ask Dr. Jake for his diagnosis. So I sent him this note:  Dear Dr. Jake, I was telling one of my friends that you were an excellent doctor this weekend, and she said that she’s been feeling quite sick today. I thought maybe if I told yo...

I have been home from Spain for one month. Where did it go? I don't know. But since I'm still thinking about Spain, I'm still blogging about Spain. One of my favourite parts of the trip (as everyone has been asking) is how much laughter there was. The days were not always easy, and things did not always happen perfectly. But we laughed. Oh, we laughed. Mostly, I laughed at K's incredibly fast wit. Here is a list of some of the funniest things she said during the trip. It all started with this one, on the plane: Flight attendant: (speaking with a French accent) We're going to dime the lights shortly... K: We're going to dime these things til they're nickeled! After that, I kept a detailed log. These are in chronological order, and as out-of-context as my quote entries usually are. The great thing, though, is that in my head I can picture the context for each one and it has me giggling all over again. I just touched my tongue to my arm...

When I was fifteen, I started calling my sister Sa-Sa. She was twenty at the time, and in return I became Barfy. Eleven years later, these nicknames still make fairly frequent appearances. I don't know why. It is the sort of strange and inexplicable reality of our sisterhood. It is the same reason I will sit on her unannounced or hug her tightly from behind, or swat her bum in passing. (She "hates" all these things, and tolerates me with the not-quite-endless patience that oldest siblings develop over the decades.) Years ago, before she was officially dating her now-husband, I remember lying on my back stairs, talking to her on my landline (!) and processing the boy drama. I, of course, knew exactly how things SHOULD look when it comes to romance, and advised her accordingly. She commented at one point that it felt like she was the younger sister and I was the older one. I have learned two things since then. One is that I am not half the relationship expert I though...

I didn't blog for a whole week!? What is happening? That is a great question. I'm not sure, entirely, but I do know that I prefer not-blogging because of full days offline to not-blogging because I feel stuck in a rut. I do not feel stuck, although I did earlier this year. I am unsticking a bit more every week. On the weekend, when I lay in bed listening to my friend softly snore beside me until 3 am (her snoring was not to blame for my insomnia), I wrote several fantastic blog entries... Problem is, I wrote them in my head and still need to get them out on paper. Well, digital paper. I will have time for this someday, and I promise at least one big exciting thing in May. And it will not be a boy, so you can cross that one out, Mom. :) For tonight, I give you: My Top 6 Easter Weekend Moments 6 - Driving a red Camaro. It makes me feel hot, even in sweat pants and rubber boots. I like blasting ironic radio, like oldies or the CBC, in a car like this. 5 - Eating de...

I am secretly amused by K$sha's We R Who We R . She's catchy, and so over-the-top that I can't help laughing. Then I discovered this parody, and nearly died: I showed Nadine, and she told me about this Miley Cyrus parody by a group that takes music videos and writes new songs to fit with the singer's lips. They're called "Bad Lip Reading" and this is Black Umbrella . Then we watched their song Everybody Poops , featuring the Black Eyed Peas. And, the crowning glory of it all: Asian Baby by The Biebs & Rascall Flatts. This one's for you, Kolten. Happy Birthday.  

March has ended far better than March began. Tonight's two highlights, you ask? 1. Meredith came for a visit. We ate lentil soup (with extra cumin) and lemon blueberry loaf (actually mini muffins) and talked about all the important things in life. I love her. 2. I received this text, from a friend who consistently sends fantastic texts (spacing and punctuation is precise to the text I received): I am hungry, now. Pass me a slice of pizza. You are a loser. I wrote this haiku  For you. I really wanted to use the word loser.

It's Monday morning, and we could all use a little humour in our lives. This was the best moment of the Junos last night: "Ankle bands...even though they're practical, no one raps about them." "Security rarely searches the elderly...so we got what we need, you know?" Roger Abbott died this weekend. Listening to him and his colleagues on Air Farce was my introduction to Canadian politics. Perhaps this explains my attitude and slight cynicism towards it all...Anyway. Here's a tribute reel of some of his funniest moments.