* not with ink

5 Rules for Being a (North) American Adult (paraphrased from a lecture by Anne Lamott, whose priest friend shared them with her many years ago) 1. Have it all together. 2. If you don't have it all together, fix whatever is broken in you so that you do have it all together. 3. If you can't fix whatever's broken, pretend that you have. 4. If you can't pretend to be fixed, don't show up - it's a bit embarrassing to the rest of us. 5. If you do decide to show up broken, at least have the decency to be ashamed of yourself. -- We are encultured towards self-loathing and self-avoidance.  Be perfect. Do it all, do it right.  If you can't be better, pretend you are. Don't look any deeper. Keep busy. Keep your chin up. Keep up appearances. It takes so much energy. It takes too much energy. -- What would happen if I just loved myself? is the question I have been asking since my last post.   It's the question I ...

It's the final entry of this 3-part mini-series. Looking at bodies , listening to others' words , and now: forming a theology of bodies. What does that even mean, Beth? And what if I don't believe in God or care about theology? I know that many of you reading this may not share my beliefs regarding God. But I feel certain that there are still relevant ideas to consider, including an overview of what I think a Christian view of bodies is... Hint: it's not what we usually hear/feel when we think about the big religion. So read on! (please.) Or not. It's entirely up to you. I like you, either way. -- I was fourteen or fifteen the first time I realized that God and I disagreed about my body . In hindsight, things were on the brink of a dangerous downward spiral for me. I hated my body, and treated it poorly. And one night, lying in my bed, God and I finally had it out . The God I believed in said that my body is fearfully and wonderfully made, that he knit me ...

 The preamble: this is the second post in a 3-part series on learning to love my body. In particular, I'm looking at: Looking at bodies. Seeing them and accepting them. Listening to what other people say. Forming a theology about bodies. Today is #2. Listening to what other people say. But first, huge thanks to all of you who read, commented, and/or shared my first post on this. Close to 700 people checked it out in the first 24 hours, and I feel honoured that my words were of interest to so many, and I'm ready to say things a little more loudly, knowing we are all in this big messy boat together! Last month (oh, hello February!!), my friend Aisling* took some photos of me for an upcoming project she's working on (y'all should stay tuned for more on this). She posted one on Facebook, and by the end of the day, over 80 of my friends had liked or commented on it. But can I let you in on a little secret? Photo by Aisling - oakandmyrrh.com My first res...

“Look at this!” I turn my arm to show her a bruise from yet another random mishap. “Woah! You’re getting pipes!” I’m confused by the genuine excitement in her voice. “What? Really?” “Yeah! Look at those!” I turn to the mirror, flex, and laugh. Maybe not pipes  but certainly less pipe cleaner  than usual. “Ooh, do you think maybe now I can do a push-up!? I’m going to try.” I cannot do push-ups. Not even one. Not even a girly push-up. It’s an ongoing joke in my life. But I kick off my slippers and put my face against the carpet – and lift. I groan, Gnnnnnnnnnn . And I do it. I DO A PUSH-UP . It is measly and it is girly, but it is a push-up. And then I do another. And then, just for good measure, ¾ of one more. How did this happen? I have not been working my arms on purpose. Ultimate Frisbee? Maybe. Probably. What else? “Great game, Beth,” he says, and I look up from the stuck zipper on my coat. “Thanks!” “You’re definitely getting better. You’re faster and your cut...

I am very happy each time I see a new post in my RSS feed from any of these men. Their art style is simple, their insights profound, their humour relateable (relatable?). head to xkcd.com to view the scrollover... how true this Marc Johns drawing is. So exactly how I often feel . Thanks, Dave Walker.

With the rainy cold weather, it is easy for me to get super-grouchy super-fast. To help remedy this, I've put together a little collage of the past month's beauty. Please enjoy - download either version if you are so inclined!

Last month, I had the immense privilege of working for my gorgeous friend Aisling (pronounced Ash-ling). She has recently started a photography business and was in need of a second shooter for a wedding…I was nervous to say yes, because I know that I’m only just a newbie with photography. I haven’t intentionally worked at developing my skills or knowledge, and have actually been very guarded about only doing projects I love. But the timing of her request was just right, so once I verified that she was sure she wanted me, I was in! It was a fantastic experience – Aisling is the right combination of clear-headed, focused, fun, and laid-back. I felt free to take the photos that caught my eye, but had enough direction to make sure I got the shots she needed. And despite the inevitable flurry of a wedding day, we laughed a lot together. A LOT. Being a second shooter means I don’t do any of the post-editing, and frankly, I hardly remember which photos I took! But of the ones below, al...

You know what is weird about being a human? We care so much about how people view us, but then when they actually tell us, we’re all surprised and flustered and either insulted or unable to take a compliment (at least I’m this way, and like to assume I’m not alone in this). Case in point: my friend Shelly took some photos of me in the summer , and just published them on her site, along with her story of our friendship. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would write anything about me, how she sees me or how our friendship has grown. And as I looked through the photos, I thought, Really? That’s what I look like? What is wrong with my head? Where did those wrinkles come from? Why don’t I know how to put on eye makeup yet? My arms look…like spaghetti. Ugh. Were the roles reversed and any of my friends had such fantastic photos up on Facebook, I’d be raving all over them (like my friends did for me). It’s not unusual for me to talk to myself - and subsequently talk back, which i...

After a week of washing with my homemade cleansers, my hair is just as soft as before. Maybe softer. My scalp is definitely less irritated, and my curls have fantastic shape and better definition. So here are the recipes/routine: "Shampoo" 1 c water (filtered/distilled/etc is probably best) 1 Tbsp baking soda "Conditioner" 1 c water 1 Tbsp cider vinegar few drops tea tree oil The Routine 1. I store the shampoo in a spritz bottle and the conditioner in a regular little bottle. 2. In the shower, I spray the shampoo directly into my scalp, making sure I get it in the areas most prone to getting greasy (for me, crown & temples). 3. Massage it in/rub it around. It is only very slightly gritty. Mostly it feels like water, but make sure you let it exfoliate. 4. Rinse. 5. Pour conditioner through hair, roots and tips. Let it sit for a bit. 6. Rinse in cool water. C'est tout!  The only hair-drawback I've noticed is an increase in topp-layer f...

This is a post all about hair. Be warned, boys especially, it may disinterest you. Relevant facts about my hair: 1. It is curly. 2. It is prone to frizzing. 3. People love it. I mostly love it. 4. I've only briefly found a hair routine that had fantastic results, and I think it actually had more to do with the weather than the routine. 5. Most people can't tell the difference between my "good" hair days and my  "bad" ones. 6. People are beginning to call me a redhead. I'm warming up to this idea. (do you agree or disagree?) My head has been itchy/unhappy for the past few months and my current products are not working well for me. Too much frizz, dry ends and greasier-than-usual roots. I have low brand-loyalty on most things, including hair products, so I did some poking around on the internet. Aided by a couple of friends, I came across two things: This website devoted to curly hair discussions. And the "no-poo" phenomenon. I...

Dandelions CP Originally uploaded by bethaf . Sometimes dandelions are lovely and fun. I haven't taken photos for a long time, and it was fun to capture the hilarity and love of my brother and sister-in-law and their kidlets.

I appropriated this title from a friend of mine, one of the most physically beautiful people I know. She commented not long ago that she currently views her body as her "frenemy." (frenemy = friend + enemy) On one level, this surprises me ("But she's beautiful!! "); on a deeper level, I know that all women have a love-hate relationship with their bodies. What else is there to say? I was talking with a guy friend about body image not that long ago. A paraphrase of our conversation - me: All girls struggle with it. him: I think I know some girls who actually like themselves. me: Really? Good for them. (sounding sarcastic) him: (looking at me sideways) me: (not sarcastic sounding) I mean, good. That's great. (pause ) I hate them. him: What? me: Kind of. But not really. I mean, I don't actually believe them. Maybe they like themselves most of the time, but I can't believe they never have a bad day about it. --- Beth's Scale of S...

Now that I'm working, I don't get to spend 10 hour days with Nadine . I miss it. But thankfully, a 10 minute conversation is just as likely to yield incredible quotes. (Here are last week's goodies. ) me: (in full melodramatic mode) AH! My room is a disaster. Why is it such a mess? And why is my life so chaotic? her: I don't know. These questions are too deep for me. me: And why don't the boys want to date me? her: (without missing a beat) Because your room's a mess. her: Oh, clothing, why am I not wearing you? her: I still don't really understand the birds and the bees... I will not teach my children about the birds and the bees, that's for sure. her: If I’m going through the pain of childbirth, it’s not going to be because of artificial insemination. her: My children will be toilet trained by the age of...six months. her: My pants fit better already since I started jogging! me: Impossible. her: No, they do. me: Nadine, you've gone jogging ...

Nadine is getting meaner this week. her: "Going to get laundry. I'll be back. Maybe." me: "What, like you're going to get killed getting your laundry!?" her: "Maybe I'll run away." me: "Why? We've got a good thing going here!" her: "Well, maybe sometime if I'm mad when I go get laundry..." me: "Remind me never to fight with you on laundry day." (on the topic of her boyfriend) her: "Two years ago, I wrote a blog post on how unemployment is not a deal breaker... I'm glad I could follow through on that." me: You'll really like Amelia. her: I'm looking forward to stealing all your friends. me: (tips head to the side, looks sideways at her) her: Or sharing them? me: Yeah, let's go with the option that means I'm not left lonely. me: "I'm not sure if I want to shower today or not...I don't really need to be clean." her: "You don't ever need to be clean...

Nadine continues to entertain . her: I once developed a crush on a boy because I saw him ironing. And then I saw him take out the trash. her: I'll never be one of those girls with an hourglass figure and a 24" waist. 24!?! That's like the size of my head! If I'm lucky... her: I don't ever want to be a child star. me: Um. I think you're good to go. her: As a general rule, I like heterosexual men. Clay Aiken was an exception. And Neil Patrick Harris. her: Is it weird that I found a rehab centre I want to go to? me: Maybe your doctor's right. Maybe you should just start having sex. her: Maybe I will...maybe I will. me: Don't do it! Don't doooooooooooo it. her: Don't worry, I won't! (pause) I don't have blinds.* her: Polygamy is on my mind! *our blinds, purchased over a week ago, are lying on the floor, awaiting the mechanical expertise of a man or woman better than we. If you are that person, we will repay your helpfulness some...