* not with ink

First stop on the Christmas train is a pedicure with the ladies - it's become an annual tradition that my mom treats my sisters & I to foot care & dinner...it's a bit fun, wandering through a mall in flip-flops in the middle of winter. We get some looks, which always makes me laugh. Oh wait! Pre-boarding on the Christmas train was an e-reader from my boss (it is difficult to balance the thoughtfulness of a fantastic gift with my day-to-day discontent in the job) and an incredible meal of Spanish tapas with Karen . We ate. so. much. And laughed even more. I can't even explain... Back at the parents' - church visit to see delightful friends on Sunday. Coffee with cute-as-a-button-Baby-Makaela and her mom. Christmas tree decorating. Sound of Music and tree decorating with Grampie. Love him fiercely. Also love that movie fiercely. Sleep. Sweet sleep Oil change for the borrowed car while I visit with my sister and read and lounge. It's handy having a me...

I have not really observed Advent this year - I did for the past two years, and I'll be honest, I am missing it. December has been different than expected. Not better, not worse, just different. And now it's almost the holidays, and in 26 hours I will have a very very long weekend... It's so easy for all this holiday hullabaloo to get out of hand in my head. I have some opinions and hypotheses about Christmas in our culture and the ways I want it to look in my own life, but haven't had the time to write them all out in a thoughtful way. Also, they may stir up more conflict than I'm ready to handle :) So for now, if you haven't already seen this video, it is one of the cutest kids' nativity stories I've seen. The accents certainly don't hurt, and that little wise man toddler at the end... ACK!

Sarah is a delightful friend who lives too far away from me (or maybe it's the other way around). Her husband and I were on the same work team for a few years, and before long, this proximity grew into a full-fledged friendship. Her candor, kindness, and quick wit have been blessings in my life time and time again. I read her blog not only for her adorable children (twins Soren and Marlow have just turned 2), but also for her creative organizational skills, her thoughtful approach to living simply and her humour. With the arrival of Baby #3 just around the corner, Sarah asked a few of her friends to contribute content for the next few weeks of likely chaos…I’m honoured to share some thoughts with all of you and all of her friends… These thoughts on comparison have been ruminating through my heart and my mind for weeks now. There’s more to say (there’s always more to say), but let’s start here, on Sarah’s blog, okay? And to those of you who are here because you followed Sarah...

Despite the rainy weather, my Sunday afternoon was full of laughter and light, as my friends Tammy and Drew let me capture the playful dynamic between the two (soon to be three!) of them.  Drew was a fantastically cooperative husband (once I bribed him with a beer), despite trying to convince me that he's not photogenic, and I've loved Tammy's beautiful profile and long dark hair since we first met in 2010. Tammy & Drew banter easily, and whenever we hang out I see how much they value each other. It's a lovely thing to see; an honour to capture in images.  My favourite moment of the shoot was when Tammy told me that Drew sings to the baby every night.  "Can you sing for him now?" I asked. And as he held her belly and softly sang, I tried to take a few more photos. My camera viewfinder seemed suddenly unable to focus...I blame the lens and not the possibility of tears. I can't wait to take some photos of this tiny baby next month - ...

I am dogsitting this weekend. An old, slow-moving dog whose thick hair is not so robust as it used to be. I am generally fond of this dog, although my fondness does not preclude a great disdain for the inevitable picking-up-of-his-poo. I am mostly hoping that he doesn't pee on the floor because I stayed out too late with my friends and his bladder is not so great. Also, looking forward to the gorgeous house the dog lives in, and spending a good chunk of my weekend wrestling with some creative projects that have been put on hold for the last few weeks while soup simmers on the gas stove. -- I dislike saying that I'm "busy" or that my life is "crazy" or that time is "flying by" because all of those give the impression that I am somehow not in control of my schedule, or that my days are full of unpleasant things. But I will  say that when I write down today's date, I wonder, How has this happened!? A whole YEAR almost done??  And it makes me...

Did the Monday blahs get you down? Is Tuesday being threatened by more gray clouds? No more gloominess for you. I have the antidote, via Youtube and some fun-loving families somewhere in the US. Unless you hate children, these videos will make your day. I am offering a 92% guarantee that you will laugh at least once. Karen laughed so hard she slid off her chair. Without further ado, I present to you…. KID SNIPPETS! And their sister-production, KID HISTORY!  

I cancelled my Wednesday night plans, then I cancelled my Thursday night plans, and then I emailed in sick to work this morning and slept until almost noon. It was glorious. I hardly listened to the guilty voice that said, " You're not sick enough to stay home. What's your fever? Where's the vomiting? " I am tired and my head is heavy and my body needed sleep, so my body got sleep. And then Karen texted to say she was coming home early because she's not feeling well, and OH NO IT'S THE WEEKEND AND WE'RE BOTH FEELING SICK and what a miserable time to be sick. Sick should happen during the week when you get to miss work, not on the weekend when you have friends visiting and fun things planned. I can't bail on this evening's plans, so I am going to sneak in one more nap before I put on some actual clothes and head outside in the cold, and even though I am tired now, I know I'll be glad to go, because I'm helping at a Christmas dinner...

Friends of mine are in Europe right now, at the tail end of a six-week journey that’s taken them to half a dozen countries. That may not seem unusual (it isn’t, in and of itself), but if you read a couple excerpts from their update emails, you will see this is no ordinary “holiday.” Vienna: We visited the Prater, which is an area that consists of mostly trafficking victims. They occupy the street by country, with their pimps sitting in warm cars on the other side. We came early in the night, when pimps were dropping off their girls. It's really awful. We were not allowed to film in the car we were in, plus the area is very dark anyway, but wow, what a horrific place. It is right next to a convention centre, so when business conferences come to town, the girls are in high demand. We were able to get a piece of footage of a refugee selling newspapers, thanks for praying about that. It is all part of the racism in the laws towards refugees, like we explained in our previous pray...

So I told you all I'd write more this month, and then I had a whirlwind weekend (not an unusual occurrence)  and now I'm realizing that the only way I'll be able to write anything this week is if I do it while at work (shhhhhh)  but it's almost 2pm now and the afternoon-sleepies are in full force. I've been trying to go to bed at 10pm this fall/winter, but I've been a bit lax this past week and am currently feeling the effects. So here's a bit of a light-hearted post, because at least I'm posting content. Can I tell you that last week's episode of 30 Rock  was maybe my favourite yet? If there is any way that Liz Lemon and I are alike, it is on our view of the wedding industry and secretly wanting to be a princess. I loved all her rants. If I get married, I'm pretty sure my wedding will look nothing like the one below, but I hope it is as unique, fun-filled, and exactly-what-the-couple-wants. I hope my husband is as handsome as James Marsden...

If I want to "catch-up" with my normative blogging rates (based on a quick overview of the numbers on this site, where I've been writing since 2006), I would need to write two posts a day for the entire month of December . Not gonna happen. But I do hope to write a few more entries than I have this past month. There are thoughts in my head that I want to share - some unfinished "Big Conversation" posts, an update or two on me and Jesus. Also my job dreams, and volunteering if I can figure out how to not cross the privacy lines, and then maybe even a funny story or two about boys. I may also ask for your input on a few things, like: what should I do with my life, job-wise?  does anyone want to participate in some fun life-challenges with me? and who wants to set me up with their mature-but-not-boring guy friends? Here's the tiny little thing, though. I have realized that one of the reasons* I've been writing less is that I've been hearing...

It's not too late to join the B-Sides Music Exchange . About half a dozen of us have uploaded our albums, and there is still time to add yours in! In case you're teetering on the edge, I thought I'd offer you my mix in streaming format. And know that of all the mixes, mine is the worst. So if this is passable, the others will be even more enjoyable. Beth's Best B-Sides from bethaf on 8tracks Radio .

"Team. Team, team, team, team, team. I even love saying the word team." – Denholm Reynholm, The IT Crowd* The unexpected excitement in my life these days is this: sports. I am enjoying my twice weekly outing across town to lace up my cleats and run around for an hour, then trek home through the dark (and cold). That is an understatement. I am loving it. It is shaping up to be the highlight of my winter. I show off my bruises**, I grin on the subway, I lie in bed thinking about strategies. It started in August, when perusing the Toronto Ultimate Club’s website…they were hosting a tournament in 3 days. A hat tournament. And they needed women. The beauty of a hat tournament is that the teams are completely mixed by the organizers, so signing up by myself was no big deal. Relatively. I showed up to Varsity Stadium, where a light rain was falling…I thought I’d hate the rain, but it turns out I’m becoming less of a whiny baby. Anyway, at some point in the day, our ...

Chatting with my American friend Teagen this morning, and conversation turned to tomorrow's holiday. She expressed concern about the current big-meal plan, wondering if the plans will be amenable to all involved.... Teagen: as i said, hopefully it will all work out : ) me: i'm sure it will. Besides, Thanksgiving isn't thanksgiving without a bit of tension and drama, right???   (ha.) Teagen: it's true. that's why i always get annoyed with people that avoid their families on thanksgiving. DEALWITHIT. wait, that deserves a hashtag #DEALWITHIT me:  yes. your uncle only wants to watch NFL and not talk to anyone? #DealWithIt the kids are running around screaming because they each ate 3 pieces of pie? #DealWithIt your grandma fell asleep at the table? #DealWithIt that's family. it's how we roll. #DealWithIt Teagen: The turkey is over/under-cooked #dealwithit NO ONE IS HELPING WITH THE DISHES??? #DEALWITHIT you don't like pie? TOOBAD #deal...

Any chance you, my delightful Guelph reader, were walking along Edinburgh near Speedvale the other day and said hello to my Grampie? He didn't recongize you (his memory is not as sharp as it once was), but apparently you had read about him online and called him "Grampie," which means you must have visited this site once or twice... We're just curious about who it was. It makes him so happy when people say hello, so please, feel free to do so anytime!!

All day, my work computer has been prompting me to reboot because of recently installed patches. I have delayed it at least a dozen times, because I have too many important tabs open . So, for my own sake (and your curiousity/education) here they are: Music I want to listen to . Apparel Industry Trends -  looking at forced & child labour in clothing production Once Was Lost - an online store that gives 50% of proceeds to support adoptive families, including my friends Amelia & Varun . 3 Cords - an online store featuring handmade goods from women in Haiti. God is not "everywhere" - a theological conversation with a friend. Self-taught 15 year-old engineer from Sierra Leone . I want to watch the video. End of the Line - an article about the ICU shared by my nurse-friend Laura. Joan Didion on keeping a notebook .

Some of you have tuned into the All-Christmas-All-the-Time radio stations or set your ipods to Genre: Holiday. I know this. I am not one of you, although I don't mind that many people have started "preparing" for the holidays. If, however, you are like me, you are listening to a little bit of everything...and looking for some new songs. In which case, this is your lucky day. Remember back in March, I hosted a little music exchange ? Well, it was a great success (hopefully everyone who participated agrees!) and I've decided it's time for another round! Here are the guidelines: Let me know you want to participate, and I will hook you up with Dropbox if you aren't already using it. Select ten-ish songs. (8 min, 12 max) Songs and artists don't have to be "new," but you cannot include more than 2 songs that appear on other albums (incentive to submit early!!) Upload your album to the shared folder on Dropbox by December 31, 2012 (your...

February 28, 2013 is a special day for two reasons.  First, my Grampie will turn 94. Yesterday, he marched in the Remembrance Day parade with many other veterans. He said he probably won't march next year. He also implied he probably won't be around for it next year. A distinct possibility, but one I don't like to think about.  You all know that my Grampie is one of my greatest heroes. I would like to sit down and share some thorough and thoughtful stories about yesterday - his Scripture reading at church, walking with him - very out of place in the veterans' parade, and the laughter of lunch as he told stories to some of my favourite friends. But there isn't the time today to shape all those words. I have shaped them, in my mind. I shape them each time I hug him goodbye and wonder if it might be my last visit with him. I shape them whenever I see a soldier, or when I pass a cenotaph. When Grampie does  go home to be with Jesus and his brown-eyed swee...

I was not very into the idea of process  during my university years. I liked that word about as much as I liked the words busy , bibliography,  and bills. In the decade since, I have learned that my schedule will always be as full as I let it be, that there is always boring paperwork to correspond with the interesting work, and that paying bills is an inevitable and manageable part of life. I have also learned that I will never arrive. I will always  be in process. For several years, I fought this. Sometimes, I still do. There are days I see where I want  to be, and I wonder why I can't just get there and be there immediately. Why can't I change this stubborn heart, when I want to? Why can't I get the job, when I know I'd thrive there? Why can't I be a perfect friend? What if I never get better at any of these things? These days, I try not to listen to fear or frustration (which is little more than pride proved wrong). And in doing this, I'm taking more ri...

The long bus ride to Guelph was worth it last night. Worth it to laugh with my siblings, parents and grandparents. Worth it to snuggle with the wee ones. Worth it to eat chocolate fondue by the spoonful. Worth it to celebrate my mother's 60th birthday. "I can own up to 50," she told me earlier in the day, "But I don't feel 60." I think that's fair. I like to think of her as 50ish as well. Am I the only one who finds it difficult to let my parents become the grandparents? Who sometimes feels a pang of fear that people my parents' age are retiring, slowing down, occasionally dying? I was thinking yesterday about this fear of aging, the inability to wrap my head around it and embrace it...but I'm getting to somber for this particular post. Back to the point. Here are some photos that take us back to when my mom was hardly 40...and I was maybe 10. My dad looks essentially the same today, although his glasses are slightly smaller. ...

Sometimes I get SO BORED at work and think, Why is the internet so dull and useless?? Then other times, I have SO MANY tabs open that I can’t catch up on all the thoughts I have. Today is a many-tab day. Here are most of them: Charlie Wilson’s “ Music for Sleeping Children ” -  I don’t even know what it is yet! But I’m intrigued. “ Self Service ” via The Walrus – convicting and thought-provoking, as I consider my constant desire to move to a developing nation: This is the conundrum: earnest thinking about work in the developing world brings the potential of neo-colonialism. But if you embrace the approach I felt so proud of, viewing Africa as a place to learn from, then you risk falling down the Kony hole. This can have practical consequences. Young foreigners interested in self-improvement, who may feel unsure about why they are there in the first place, don’t make the best workers, and they can take jobs away from locals.  Does this mean we should disengage? ...

With the rainy cold weather, it is easy for me to get super-grouchy super-fast. To help remedy this, I've put together a little collage of the past month's beauty. Please enjoy - download either version if you are so inclined!

Last month, I had the immense privilege of working for my gorgeous friend Aisling (pronounced Ash-ling). She has recently started a photography business and was in need of a second shooter for a wedding…I was nervous to say yes, because I know that I’m only just a newbie with photography. I haven’t intentionally worked at developing my skills or knowledge, and have actually been very guarded about only doing projects I love. But the timing of her request was just right, so once I verified that she was sure she wanted me, I was in! It was a fantastic experience – Aisling is the right combination of clear-headed, focused, fun, and laid-back. I felt free to take the photos that caught my eye, but had enough direction to make sure I got the shots she needed. And despite the inevitable flurry of a wedding day, we laughed a lot together. A LOT. Being a second shooter means I don’t do any of the post-editing, and frankly, I hardly remember which photos I took! But of the ones below, al...

You know what is weird about being a human? We care so much about how people view us, but then when they actually tell us, we’re all surprised and flustered and either insulted or unable to take a compliment (at least I’m this way, and like to assume I’m not alone in this). Case in point: my friend Shelly took some photos of me in the summer , and just published them on her site, along with her story of our friendship. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would write anything about me, how she sees me or how our friendship has grown. And as I looked through the photos, I thought, Really? That’s what I look like? What is wrong with my head? Where did those wrinkles come from? Why don’t I know how to put on eye makeup yet? My arms look…like spaghetti. Ugh. Were the roles reversed and any of my friends had such fantastic photos up on Facebook, I’d be raving all over them (like my friends did for me). It’s not unusual for me to talk to myself - and subsequently talk back, which i...

My childhood dentist had a basement office. With fake wood panelling on the walls, a massive poster of BJ Birdie holding a toothbrush, and toys of the 80s. I picture his receptionist with blue eyeshadow and hairsprayed bangs; whether this memory is accurate or not, I do not know. I do  know with great certainty that the door into his office was located past the furnace room.  This is the room of strange noises, thumps and wheezes: terrifying to a child. Deadly, when located next to the dentist.) There was no hygienist in this little outfit. The dentist did everything. He was tall and old-ish and had very bushy eyebrows. When he was leaning over my face, I could see his nose hairs. This was the first time I realized such a thing existed. He was not much for talking. He gave instructions: "Open. Again. Spit. You can rinse now..." And at the end of every visit, he would say the same thing. "Well, there doesn't appear to be any problems, but I'm going to take a...

I'll admit it, I've used the internet to meet some men . It has its strengths, absolutely. There are hazards along the way, however, and a great deal of filtering is required. Case in point: Pretty sure the recipient of this match is not as "unique" as Swagalicious. (Do his parents call him "Swag" for short?)

Texans are a kind and helpful people. Everything is big, yes. And sprawling. But there is diversity, there is beauty, and there are kindred spirits. Many things happen over four years, but it is possible to hug a friend and know, in a matter of minutes, that nothing significant has changed. And then you begin to talk and laugh together, and you play Bananagrams, and eat scones with clotted cream (so very Texan of us), and then you make the experience more authentic with Tex-Mex and a hearty breakfast, some Persian food (fun for all to try) and of course, BBQ. You eat enough meat to feed a small family and you walk around the town where you can't see businesses from the road (bylaws say they have to be behind a row of trees), and you see quinceañera parties in a park in Houston. There are conversations about life, dreams, cycling and writing. You sing along to The Beatles' Paperback Writer  with the windows down. You listen to the country music station and discuss the d...

post #2 in my series on Very Big Conversations About Women I was going to start this post with the statement, "rape jokes are never funny." But as my thoughts have taken shape, I've realized two things - first, that my concerns extend beyond solely  rape jokes. And secondly, I know that I have laughed at jokes that may fall under the rape-joke category . The one that comes to mind is Mike Birbiglia's story about moving a new bed into his apartment . Last night, I lay in bed unpacking why I find this particular joke funny rather than offensive, and I'm not sure if I can explain or justify it. (what do you think? Is it offensive? Why/why not?) So I am not going to say, categorically, that any kind of joke is never funny . Humour is a complex blend of art and science, and one of its functions is to push limits and make observations that otherwise may not happen. I recognize that. But. I have been in the room when an off-colour story or joke is told, and it is...

There is a lot of singing around my apartment. Karen sings better than I do (don't let her play shy - she's quite spectacular), but what I lack in pitch, I make up for in exuberance. It amuses me greatly to hear the unpredictable snippets of song that come out of us early in the morning, late in the evening, and pretty much any time. Here are a few that have been kicking around: Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks Take a Chance on Me - ABBA Blood Pressure - MuteMath (mostly, I sing the opening guitar riff)

Disclaimer: I hesitate to write anything on this blog that may be considered ranting/venting/raving/criticizing/complaining. It's important to me that I am careful with what I say, and I usually shy away from posting things that may churn up conflict. This post, while not a rant or vent, is certainly something I feel passionate about. And is likely to surface a little conflict. I'm okay with this, but I do ask that we're gracious with our words. Back in June, Canada was voted the Best Place in the World for Women to Live .When I read this, I felt incredibly proud of my country and our culture. Then last month, there was a flurry of sexual assaults in my city, and someone told other women to stop "dressing like a whore" and one of the victims responded and someone else shared their story of writing about assault and knowing their body as "a site of violence ." I took the bus home from a friend's one night, and noticed a guy trying to take a...

Earlier this week, someone reminded me that fall = new TV. I had forgotten, as I don't have a TV or a regular torrenting/streaming habit. Of course  I instantly panicked that I was falling behind on my crime-drama-guilty-pleasures ( Bones  and The Mentalist ), and promptly caught myself up. Bones  is unfortunately not well-written at the moment, but I am highly committed to the characters and slightly crushing on all the men. Sooooooooo, I watch. The Mentalist  comes back on Sunday, and let me tell you, I am pumped. And then when I got home from work yesterday, I was tired and achey and bored, and before you know it, I had watched 2.5 hours of comedy on my little netbook and it was dark and there were no lights on in my apartment... I felt a bit embarrassed, but reminded myself this is not a regular occurrence. And then I decided: this year, I'm watching Up All Night  and Modern Family . I'm not watching New Girl  or Parks and Rec . Maybe I'll watch 30 ...

It started with Fuel/Friends' Spring 2012 Mix (so many things start with one of Heather's mixes). She wrote about "Old Pine:" "I love how this song starts about a thousand sonic miles from where it ends." I don't know exactly how Ben Howard's other songs wound up on my computer, but most recently, the track I can't get out of my head is "The Wolves." I adore his ability to build a song from start to finish. These aren't just two verses and a chorus and three chords looped round and round. His rhythms and lyrics weave a distinct momentum that carries me away every time.

I changed the layout of this blog-thing again. I wanted the other one to work, but it wasn’t doing it for me. We’ll see about this one.  In theory, I am also going to update the bio page to be more professional; something I could direct people towards for potential freelance work. I have been eating a breakfast of granola & plain greek yogurt. It has surprised me with its deliciousness and filling abilities. I don’t get hungry again til lunch! In other news, babies: The adorable toddler upstairs has learned my name and is constantly saying hi to me (apparently, I don’t even have to be around for this to happen) and I just want to squeeze her to pieces. My niece is hardly a baby anymore. She is potty-training and talking and laughing, but not too big for me to swing up in the air and pull into my shoulder and pretend to bite on the ear. Her sparkly blue eyes are captivating – it is fun to watch my brother melt at the sight of a giggly daughter. Have I told you that ...

I wore my fall jacket for the first time on Sunday. It was definitely a sad moment, as I'm reluctant to let go of the summer season. In fact, I've been moaning about the end of summer and the onset of autumn for several days (maybe a week or two?), and realized I need to counteract that negativity. So I made some soup. If there is one thing I love about pre-winter (my new name for fall), it is soup. Soup and stews. I started the season with my all-time favourite Yam & Peanut soup. It's delicious, hearty, and simple. This morning, I walked to work with a lunch-sized serving in my tote bag, and started dreaming about the other soups I'd like to make: Potato & Leek Chicken & (anything) Thai Tom Yum Curried Parsnip Spinach and Tortellini Spicy Squash with Apple (or pear) Southwestern Stew Corn Chowder Tahjine I love soups. And I would love to bring your favourite recipes into my kitchen. In exchange, I will gladly share recipes...

As always, a long silence on the blog compels me to explain myself . Here is my three part defense of my recent absence: 1. I’ve been active! Weekend visits out of town, a new ultimate team (I am feeling very humbled by my lack of skills. I hate being the weakest link, BUT I’m hoping to see actual improvement over the season), wedding preparation for two fantastic friends – wait, four fantastic friends. Two amazing brides and their fun fiancés. And so much more. Good things, all around. 2. I’ve been feeling thoughtful. And private. This past summer, something has shifted internally and I feel much more possessive of my opinions. I don’t know if it will last, but I am enjoying this feeling of establishing parameters and privacy and embracing the reality that it’s okay not to be fully known or understood; it’s an inevitable part of the human experience. 3. I’ve been convicted. A couple weeks ago, my boss found out that I’ve been job hunting. It was an awkward conversation in...

Every once in awhile, I see something that makes me laugh out loud, while also blowing my mind and confusing me. Earlier this week, it was a little boy at the park, wearing a shopping bag as a romper. I wanted to take a picture (I started to take a picture), but he was playing at the splash pad, and his guardian was there, and let's face it; creepy much? Thankfully, Karen was with me, and she can draw. Here is what he looked like: I do not know whether this was his mother's idea or his, and if this is supposed to somehow keep him dry? All I know is, he was quite content in his perfectly-sized grocery-bag get-up.

Yesterday, I woke up and walked to the bathroom and thought, There is no way I can go to work today . So I slept all day (did you notice I was too tired even to tweet!?). And managed to "sit" long enough to watch some So You Think You Can Dance with Karen, but she had to bring it into my room. This morning, I felt a bit better and decided to shower. And then I needed to nap, and around 11am, I thought, Maybe I should go into work this afternoon . So I left at noon, and got money to buy transit tokens, because I knew I couldn't walk like I usually do. And by the time I got to the streetcar station, I thought, This may have been a mistake . But then I thought, It'll be okay once I'm there and sitting down. So I got there and sat down, and staring at the computer screen made me feel woozy, but I lasted for two hours. I did the time-sensitive work and then I came home. Then I napped. Deeply. And now it is Tuesday evening, and I am feeling hungry-ish, for the fi...