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Lady Problems

Warning: Decidedly girl-ish content. If my post about childbearing was bothersome, you should probably skip this one. If you're a boy, you're not allowed to judge me for the content of this post. (Called it)

I don't usually talk about Aunt Irma. My time of the month. High tide. You know. Not in general and definitely not on my blog.

But I just need to say this: I don't think I can handle it.

I don't know how we do it, ladies. If we go with a generous estimate and say that a girl starts getting her period at 12 and the average age of menopause is 51, that is 39 years.

THIRTY-NINE YEARS of pain, emotional chaos and mess on a monthly basis - excepting the times when we're pregnant, but childbirth pretty much makes up for nine months of missing out...

There have been countless occasions where I (or my roommates) wonder to ourselves, What is wrong with me? Am I going crazy?? Two days later, we say to each other, Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. You'd think I'd get it by now...but every time I am so confused by my own head.

Then this morning I got hit with the most massive wave of cramps that I have EVER experienced.

I took an Advil Liqui-gel as soon as I felt that pinchy little rumble start...ten minutes later, I closed my computer and thought of calling it quits for the day. I took another pill. I found that hot water bottle.

My insides were beating me up. Punching me all over on their way out. I curled up in a ball and waited for death.

Forty-five minutes later, I could breath deeply again. I almost fell asleep, and dang it, I deserved a nap for surviving.

On days like today, I find this incredibly comforting. And hilarious.

The point is: I am glad I don't live in the past. If I have to bleed on a regular basis, I will take Advil and hot water bottles, time off work, and hygiene products that aren't a pile of rags. I like that I am not declared "unclean" for seven days a month.

Yup, I said all that. And someday (maybe) we should talk about the Diva Cup on here. Maybe.
Boys, don't google that one. You don't want to know.


Liz said…
I had pretty much the same type of conversation with one of my friends today! You speak the truth! I hope tomorrow is a better day :)

P.S. Have you heard of the Softcup? Not as environmentally friendly as the Diva Cup, but definitely better!
Terra said…
That is it exactly - two days later... OHHHHH.....
Sarah said…
i feel ya, my experience has taken an interesting turn in the last six months and now i wake up in the middle of the night thinking 'why did john kick me in the gutt??"

last time it was so bad it actually entered my dream and i started looking for somewhere to get medication but i was outside at yaletown livecity and finally woke up from the pain. so uncool.
nadine said…
When I was about 12, I suddenly felt very burdened for Anne Shirley. Those Avonlea ladies had it rough. Never again did I wish to marry Gilbert Blythe and live in a time of rags. Ugh.
Anonymous said…
Unfortunately for me, I already know what a Diva cup is. :(
shellieos said…
One day on campus I thought I was having a nervous breakdown...then two days later I was SO relieved that I wasn't actually going crazy.
steph said…
"fallen to the communists" BAAAHahahaa
Beth said…
steph: this episode is one of the best episodes of tv i've ever seen. you should watch the whole thing.
Katie V. said…
I'm glad you shared your lady troubles (although not glad that you had to have them ;) Go hot water bottles. I was always partial to Aunt Flo myself (the name, not the experience).
Shanny said…
oh my gosh...that video was hysterical! Although, I must admit, it's been nice that Aunt Irma took a long vacation and I haven't seen her for almost a year...
Amelia said…
There's nothing wrong with a diva cup! And my advice? Go on the pill. It will lessen your pain each month and at least you'll know when it's coming. Now V just knows green pills= give me lots of room for crankiness, lol.
Beth said…
shann - glad it made you laugh!

amelia - i never said there's something wrong with the diva fact i am all for it. but i am against taking hormones unnecessarily :)
Jess said…
A few weeks ago I was insanely angry all day, at nothing. After clenching my teeth for the first hour & scowling at everything & biting Heather's head off a few times... it occurred to me what was going on. I LOATHE *everything* cause I'm PMSing. And then the cramps came and I took enough drugs to tranquilize a horse.

Also, I saw a diva cup the other day and nearly had a heart attack. I wouldn't dare try. It looks horrifying.

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