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Lady Problems

Warning: Decidedly girl-ish content. If my post about childbearing was bothersome, you should probably skip this one. If you're a boy, you're not allowed to judge me for the content of this post. (Called it)



I don't usually talk about Aunt Irma. My time of the month. High tide. You know. Not in general and definitely not on my blog.

But I just need to say this: I don't think I can handle it.

I don't know how we do it, ladies. If we go with a generous estimate and say that a girl starts getting her period at 12 and the average age of menopause is 51, that is 39 years.

THIRTY-NINE YEARS of pain, emotional chaos and mess on a monthly basis - excepting the times when we're pregnant, but childbirth pretty much makes up for nine months of missing out...


There have been countless occasions where I (or my roommates) wonder to ourselves, What is wrong with me? Am I going crazy?? Two days later, we say to each other, Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. You'd think I'd get it by now...but every time I am so confused by my own head.


Then this morning I got hit with the most massive wave of cramps that I have EVER experienced.

I took an Advil Liqui-gel as soon as I felt that pinchy little rumble start...ten minutes later, I closed my computer and thought of calling it quits for the day. I took another pill. I found that hot water bottle.

My insides were beating me up. Punching me all over on their way out. I curled up in a ball and waited for death.

Forty-five minutes later, I could breath deeply again. I almost fell asleep, and dang it, I deserved a nap for surviving.


On days like today, I find this incredibly comforting. And hilarious.


The point is: I am glad I don't live in the past. If I have to bleed on a regular basis, I will take Advil and hot water bottles, time off work, and hygiene products that aren't a pile of rags. I like that I am not declared "unclean" for seven days a month.



Yup, I said all that. And someday (maybe) we should talk about the Diva Cup on here. Maybe.
Boys, don't google that one. You don't want to know.

Comments

  1. I had pretty much the same type of conversation with one of my friends today! You speak the truth! I hope tomorrow is a better day :)

    P.S. Have you heard of the Softcup? Not as environmentally friendly as the Diva Cup, but definitely better!

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  2. That is it exactly - two days later... OHHHHH.....

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  3. i feel ya, my experience has taken an interesting turn in the last six months and now i wake up in the middle of the night thinking 'why did john kick me in the gutt??"

    last time it was so bad it actually entered my dream and i started looking for somewhere to get medication but i was outside at yaletown livecity and finally woke up from the pain. so uncool.

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  4. When I was about 12, I suddenly felt very burdened for Anne Shirley. Those Avonlea ladies had it rough. Never again did I wish to marry Gilbert Blythe and live in a time of rags. Ugh.

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  5. Anonymous5:07 AM

    Unfortunately for me, I already know what a Diva cup is. :(

    ReplyDelete
  6. One day on campus I thought I was having a nervous breakdown...then two days later I was SO relieved that I wasn't actually going crazy.

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  7. "fallen to the communists" BAAAHahahaa

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  8. steph: this episode is one of the best episodes of tv i've ever seen. you should watch the whole thing.

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  9. I'm glad you shared your lady troubles (although not glad that you had to have them ;) Go hot water bottles. I was always partial to Aunt Flo myself (the name, not the experience).

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  10. oh my gosh...that video was hysterical! Although, I must admit, it's been nice that Aunt Irma took a long vacation and I haven't seen her for almost a year...

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  11. There's nothing wrong with a diva cup! And my advice? Go on the pill. It will lessen your pain each month and at least you'll know when it's coming. Now V just knows green pills= give me lots of room for crankiness, lol.

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  12. shann - glad it made you laugh!

    amelia - i never said there's something wrong with the diva cup...in fact i am all for it. but i am against taking hormones unnecessarily :)

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  13. A few weeks ago I was insanely angry all day, at nothing. After clenching my teeth for the first hour & scowling at everything & biting Heather's head off a few times... it occurred to me what was going on. I LOATHE *everything* cause I'm PMSing. And then the cramps came and I took enough drugs to tranquilize a horse.

    Also, I saw a diva cup the other day and nearly had a heart attack. I wouldn't dare try. It looks horrifying.

    ReplyDelete

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