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A Great Big Life Update

I haven't been blogging much this week because I have been thinking and waiting and revising plans that have been in the works for months. But I don't want to stay silent til all the puzzle pieces are in place - if I did, I don't know that I'd ever blog again.

So I'll start last summer and bring you up to speed...

July: I'm enjoying my new role at work, the travel plans and variety of tasks I'll have. I've committed to this spot until the spring, by which point I hope that God has shown me what the next step/thing is.

August: My job description changes a bit, which is a little bit sad. No jaunts to Asia after all. But I'm enjoying myself, and begin contemplating a move back on campus. And back east. I begin reading Courage and Calling by Gordon Smith.

September: Vacation in Saskatoon is surprisingly lovely. Towards the end of it, I start feeling sad. I don't know why, but this feeling lingers all month. Eventually, I identify that I feel grief, like I am mourning a loss or a change that is coming.

October: I have a chance to visit Toronto and Montreal, weighing the possibility of moving to either city. I leave both places feeling great sadness, because I love my coworkers there but know that neither job opening is the next step for me. I begin reading Courage by Gus Lee.

November: Another week of vacation. This time I go to Tofino and have a profound moment with Jesus on the shore. It is the coming together of things I have been reading and thinking on for months…and just because this post is long, I'ma save the details for another entry.

December: In the midst of work, I take time to make sure that I am not mishearing God or rushing things that ought not be rushed. I go home for Christmas. I meet a boy, but don't know that it's significant - yet. I go to a conference with work. The same place where, four years earlier, I felt confident of what next step God was asking of me. It is good to be there again, physically and spiritually.

January: I am contemplating when I will finish with my employer. My responsibilities wrap up at the end of March, but I don't feel fully settled about leaving then. A random email shows up, mentioning an opportunity for English teachers to go to the DPRK (North Korea). I follow it up on a whim. Then I decide to apply. Then I decide to go.

February: Turns out the boy I met thinks I'm great. Really great. I go to Scotland for 10 days with work, which is a great trip but confirms that I'm ready to be done here. I am praying for people to come with me to DPRK. The boy and I start dating. We've met once in person. I'm going to an isolated country for 3 months. His own future is dependent on the next six months. Are we crazy? Maybe a little. But we're both okay with that.

March: A fantastic couple decides to come with me and we start prepping for adventure. I volunteer for the Paralympics. I start wrapping up my job responsibilities. I go to Ontario to see my family (and now the boy) before I go overseas.

Then this past week:
Saturday – I come home from Ontario to find out our landlord isn't renewing our lease. We all will need to move out by the end of May. I won't be here, so I'll need to move before I leave for DPRK.
Sunday – I am tired and stressed.
Monday – By noon, I am feeling like I can tackle the move & the prep left before I leave. Then I get a phone call. DPRK is on hold. Indefinitely. All my plans? Back up in the air.
Tuesday – I have to make a decision. By the end of this week, I will have no work on my plate.
Wednesday – I meet with some big bosses. We talk. I tell them about the last six months. They tell me about the exciting projects I could work on.
Thursday – I call HR. I have my checklist, and I have my last to-do list. I have to pick a final date, but I don't want to, because as long as it's unsettled, it doesn't seem real. I am hemming and hawing, and afraid to put this in writing, but I think I've picked April 9. Because it's not going to take me longer than that to do what needs doing.

Deep breath.

So where does that leave me? Well.

In a week, I'll be unemployed.

I'm in a long-distance relationship that is fantastic so far, but not a sure thing. We're realists. And we're optimists. I like that about us.

My lease is up at the end of May. I've been considering a move back to Ontario since September... It might make sense to move then. But am I sure it's what I want?

Between now and then, I'd like to hang out with my friends. Get into trouble. Travel somewhere – close or far, I don't care. I do have a visa to get into China in the next 3 months, so that might be an option...but with no longterm income, maybe not a wise option.

Really, I don't know.

I guess I'm left on the cusp of the unknown. A certain boy sent me a text message earlier this week that read, "You're like the allegorical myth hero on the brink of adventure, looking back at his small town home. Just one more step forward..."

Adventure awaits (A faith adventure, if you will).

My little home town has been a safe and lovely place for the last four years, but it's time to go.

I have a feeling it's going to be messy and glorious and a lot of fun.
And all of you are invited along for the ride.


Big Brother said…
Dont get in too much trouble. I can't bail you out to well from here.
Sarah said…
Invitation accepted. I'm looking forward to seeing where this adventure leads you. I'm excited about what God has planned for your future (and I'm hoping it might involve something that'll give us a chance to hang out again soon).

Love you!
afro-chick said…
i heart adventures.
Mindy said…
If you decide to do a road trip, you have to have to have to go to Oregon. Absolutely beautiful. And try surfing too; it's cheap :)
J.r. Fisher said…
I concur with a certain boys text. As well i find it amusing that "Big Brother is Watching" so to speak.
Wendy said…
Beth - this is such a lovely post. And btw, I really like this blog skin. I'm happy to hear that the 9th is your last day, and happy to hear that you're on the cusp of an adventuresome time :) I think it'll be more fun than messy.

I love and miss you pumpkin :)
lisa said…
Thanks for the update, Beth! I'm happy that things are going well for you, even if so much is up in the air right now. Best of luck!
Jess said…
I ditto aban & sarah. very exciting, yet sad to know you wont be moving to MTL.
Margie said…
I like this post. I like you. I like the way your write. I like how divinely unpredictable your life is. I can't wait to see what happens!

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