Processing my week with Nadine over a breakfast of chocolate cake, yogourt, and strawberries, I confessed that I had cried as I lay in bed this morning.
"An emotional hangover," she said compassionately.
Yes. That's precisely it.
As I wrote and prayed this morning, I had a flashback to two weeks ago. It was late on Saturday night. Probably one in the morning. I was in my parents' kitchen with a friend.
To be specific, I lay on the carpet, curled on my side, exhausted with sadness. She sat in a chair, looking equally drained. I had asked that we wrap up our night with prayer, and after I finished rambling and unloading and wondering and pleading, she prayed.
"Show me where to put my sadness."
"Right. The cross."
Originally uploaded by bethaf.
So simple. So profound. So neglected.
It's been difficult for me to blog about serious subjects this month. While my life has a great deal of joy, there is a section of my heart that is broken and overwhelmed by the pain and sadness I feel on behalf of people that I care deeply for.
It's been difficult to walk through it all. I have been at a loss for words more frequently this year than I think ever before.
On a slightly lighter note, the absence of words for the things we want to express has pushed my friends to creativity. Two words that I would like to see brought into regular usage are:
gurd - adj. - a portmanteau of the words "good" and "hard," used to describe a situation or reality that is difficult but positive.
ex. Training for next month's marathon has been really gurd.
jorpis - adj. - a floating definition that describes an uncertainty of negative emotions, potentially encompassing "upset," "annoyed," "frustrated," "emotionally taxing," etc.
ex. I was completely surprised by the news that I was being downsized, and felt very jorpis for the rest of the day.