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It's Obvious We're Useless On Our Own

I wanted to tell you all about my current favourite song, which feels like a perfectly soft and cozy and much needed scarf during these winter months. I was so excited to share it.

Then I went to see if there are any videos of it on Youtube. There aren't. So I widened my search, and came across this interview with the musician, Kelli Schaeffer. And I read it, and I felt happy and then I felt sad, because I thought, "Oh, she loves Jesus!" which I sort of assumed from the lyrics of said song-that-I-love, but then she talks about not being a Christian anymore, and I thought, "WHY!?!?" because that is how I feel about these things. Like I felt about Mumford & Sons, and like I feel about my friends who have decided that Jesus isn't for them (or isn't real).

It's not a judging WHY!?!? (I don't think), but an honestly perplexed one. I want to understand the process of how it happened for each of them.

I share a lot of my friends' criticisms of the church and Christianity as institution. But at the end of the day, no matter how many days I have woken up thinking, "I don't want to be a Christian anymore," (and believe me, those days have happened), there is something about Jesus that I cannot deny. At the same time, I don't see myself as inherently any different than these friends or these musicians...which is why I'm perplexed.

One of the poems I'm showing on Saturday is kind of about this. And I wonder how people will see it. One of the things that is most terrifying about my art show is that each person who comes will view me in light of these works, and probably view me in ways that I don't view myself. Or they will read in my art what I never intended to say. But I can't control these things, because that is a risk that is inherent in creating and showcasing art. It is uncontrollable.

I still love the song. It opens with these lines:

Jesus, turn this wine back into water,
So we can quench our dry and thirsty souls.
This desert's dry as hell and getting hotter,
And it's your love that makes us whole.

You can listen to "Carry Us Over" here, or head over to Fuel/Fire (it's at the very end of the entry) for a free download of it.

(Also, if you have thoughts on any of these topics, I am very much happy to see a dialogue start up in the comments. But please keep in mind that I am a strong believer in respect; I have readers with all manner of perspectives and the issue of predestination, which I know is tied in to my thoughts, is a particularly thorny one for some.)


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