A Word to the Wise on Wednesday

Today, I read an interview about "Creating Art, Feeling Weak and Getting Over It."

Timely, to say the least.

I particularly liked this quote:

Honestly, your trials and tribulations are just stories to other people. They like hearing those stories and they’re rooting for you. For the most part, to win, and they like hearing even when you don’t win because it’s part of the story. So what I try to do more now, is share when I am in trouble because it’s interesting to people. I’m one of those people that tends to put their head down and just does it. So I’ve tried to stop and say, “Here’s my problem.” Surprisingly, people will say, “Let me help you with that.”

I could have been more open about what was going on when it was really personally scary...but I always thought that people would see me as weak if I opened up. But really what they’re seeing is “Wow. This man is taking a risk. That’s cool. I wish I had the guts to do that.” Failure has entertainment value. Not all stories end happily and in the middle there’s supposed to be challenge and distress.

And then my friend Laura sent me this article, "How to be awesome at everything."

The secret to being awesome at everything is having the courage to be horrible at first.

That’s it. If you want to be awesome at something, you just need to be brave enough to be horrible at it first.The fear of being horrible is actually what keeps most people from ever being awesome at everything.

This is exactly what I need to hear. I hate being horrible at things and I hate failing and I hate the possibility that I might let people down. But I need to be willing to let those things happen.

Ugh. More thoughts/questions to possibly come.

Comments

Fostering FAQ: How Can You Say Goodbye?

It seems I finally have something(s) to say... Here's the first in a short (or maybe long?) series on Fostering FAQs. If you've got a question to add, feel free to comment/email/text/message me and maybe the next post will be in response.

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8:30 am on Day 4 of parenting. I woke up in a panic two hours ago because I remembered that there is a baby and I am responsible for her (at least at 6:30am, when the man beside me will snore through anything). Now, I have put on clothes and eaten breakfast. The dogs are walked, there is a loaf of banana bread in the oven. My tea is steeping. Most importantly, Dream Baby is already down for her first nap.

Despite my morning efficiency, I'm already beginning to see that even with the happiest, most easygoing, and smiliest baby, like we somehow managed to be given, parenting is a grind. On Friday night, I couldn't join friends for $5 pints at a local joint. Instead, I blearily washed the same 8 bottles again, and then made another ba…

Fostering FAQ: How Long Will She Stay/Will You Adopt Her?

Our first foster baby came with about 18 hours notice; it was respite care, which means we had him for a few days while his regular foster family had a break/dealt with a family emergency. He stayed 3 nights, long enough to come to church and have a dozen people cooing over his little sleeping cheeks. With each new visitor to our quiet corner, I explained again that he would be going back to his foster family the next day.

Barely a week later, we got a 9am phone call with a fostering request and by the same afternoon, we were snuggling her. This time, we had her for 4 days before church came around. Again, our community was keen to see the little one we had in tow. Again, the question, "How long will she stay?" And this time, "Are you going to adopt her?"

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Here in Toronto, when a child is placed in foster care, it is always for an indefinite length of time. It depends on the parents' situation, and whether they are able to make a safe home environment for th…

Fostering FAQ: What's Her (Mom's) Story?

This is probably the second most common question I hear about the baby currently in our care, right after, "Will you keep her?"

It comes in many forms:

"So, what's her story?"
"Is her mom in the picture?"
"How did she end up in your home?
"Is her mom a drug addict?"
"How could a mom not love such a cute baby!"

I get it. It's natural curiousity, and I know I've asked similar questions of my friends who are adoptive parents.

But here's what I'm learning: a child's story is their own. And equally as important, the parent's story is their own.

Imagine how it might feel to hear that for the foreseeable future, you are not allowed to care for your child. On top of whatever difficult circumstances you are already in - perhaps poverty, social isolation, lack of adequate housing, domestic violence, intergenerational trauma, drug or alcohol dependency, low cognitive functioning, or a myriad of other complex strug…

* not with ink

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