On a friend ditching us early:
friend #1: "I'm just feeling really desolate, you know? I need to just go and be alone for awhile."
friend #2: "Just don't make any decisions..."
friend #1: "What!? (feigning disappointment) I was planning on jumping off the river!"
friend #2: "Off the river? Okay, sounds good to me..."
friend #1: "Wait! I mean...oh, you're laughing at me..."
On the recent spike in my texting habits:
friend #1: "He should get you a Blueberry."
friend #2: "You mean a Blackberry?"
friend #1: "Yes! that's what I mean...Blueberry, Blackberry. So similar!"
Another day, another friend...
me: "I mean, I feel confident he'll respect me, when he won't even touch a fourteen year-old's neck."
me: (pause) "Okay, that does sound weird."
More days later. More friends later. I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror...
me: I look terrible. Wow. I do not usually go out in public like this.*disclaimer: I'm well aware that lesbians do not all look alike. Nor do they all (or even mostly) look frumpy. I recognize that my statement is incredibly stereotypical and possibly offensive. If I have offended...I'm sorry. And please let me know. Gently. :)
friend: You look fine.
me: (lowering my voice) I look butch.
me: No, really. I look a bit like a lesbian*. Runners, jeans with a cuff. Frumpy brown wool sweater. Flat hair kind of in a ponytail. No bobby pins. No make up. Nose ring.
friend: I've never met a lesbian with a smile like yours. So just keep smiling.
me: Wait...so you're saying that I do look like a lesbian - except for the smile.
friend: Well, I would never say it. But now that you point it out...the combination of everything...and when your face is more serious, you do look a little bit butch.
me: I KNEW IT! I need to go home.
And more goodness. On upcoming dates.
friend 1: I'm choosing to be cautiously non-terrified.
friend 2: That is the best way to be.
friend 1: It's hard to be "in the moment" and not in over-thinking mode.
friend 2: Yes. That is TRUE.
friend 1: I think part of the problem is that I don't go on enough dates.
friend 2: Ah, yeah. (refers to earlier conversation) It's like kissing. You just need practice...
friend 1: Ha ha ha, eeek!
friend 2: Frightening. And yet fun.
friend 1: Yes. Like a thrill ride. "I think I'm gonna die -- Wait. This is awesome."
friend 2: Mmhmm. Except for the part where I actually throw up on the thrill ride.
friend 1: Equivalent of butterflies/knots-in-stomach dates.
friend 2: Worse. Like physically can't handle it and will puke. Not just nervous nausea.
friend 1: Ah. Then maybe you should never go on a date to an amusement park. Disastrous.
friend 2: Oh man. It would be awful.