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Recent Conversations (A Small Leak)

(shadow people having anonymous & mysterious conversations)


On a friend ditching us early:
friend #1: "I'm just feeling really desolate, you know? I need to just go and be alone for awhile."
friend #2: "Just don't make any decisions..."
friend #1: "What!? (feigning disappointment) I was planning on jumping off the river!"
friend #2: "Off the river? Okay, sounds good to me..."
laughter
friend #1: "Wait! I mean...oh, you're laughing at me..."


On the recent spike in my texting habits:
friend #1: "He should get you a Blueberry."
laughter
friend #2: "You mean a Blackberry?"
friend #1: "Yes! that's what I mean...Blueberry, Blackberry. So similar!"


Another day, another friend...
me: "I mean, I feel confident he'll respect me, when he won't even touch a fourteen year-old's neck."
friend: laughter
me: (pause) "Okay, that does sound weird."


More days later. More friends later. I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror...
me: I look terrible. Wow. I do not usually go out in public like this.
friend: You look fine.
me: (lowering my voice) I look butch.
friend: laughter
me: No, really. I look a bit like a lesbian*. Runners, jeans with a cuff. Frumpy brown wool sweater. Flat hair kind of in a ponytail. No bobby pins. No make up. Nose ring.
friend: I've never met a lesbian with a smile like yours. So just keep smiling.
me: Wait...so you're saying that I do look like a lesbian - except for the smile.
friend: Well, I would never say it. But now that you point it out...the combination of everything...and when your face is more serious, you do look a little bit butch.
me: I KNEW IT! I need to go home.
*disclaimer: I'm well aware that lesbians do not all look alike. Nor do they all (or even mostly) look frumpy. I recognize that my statement is incredibly stereotypical and possibly offensive. If I have offended...I'm sorry. And please let me know. Gently. :)

And more goodness. On upcoming dates.
friend 1: I'm choosing to be cautiously non-terrified.
friend 2: That is the best way to be.
friend 1: It's hard to be "in the moment" and not in over-thinking mode.
friend 2: Yes. That is TRUE.
friend 1: I think part of the problem is that I don't go on enough dates.
friend 2: Ah, yeah. (refers to earlier conversation) It's like kissing. You just need practice...
friend 1: Ha ha ha, eeek!
friend 2: Frightening. And yet fun.
friend 1: Yes. Like a thrill ride. "I think I'm gonna die -- Wait. This is awesome."
friend 2: Mmhmm. Except for the part where I actually throw up on the thrill ride.
friend 1: Equivalent of butterflies/knots-in-stomach dates.
friend 2: Worse. Like physically can't handle it and will puke. Not just nervous nausea.
friend 1: Ah. Then maybe you should never go on a date to an amusement park. Disastrous.
friend 2: Oh man. It would be awful.

Comments

  1. Sarah11:45 PM

    I don't know if you said it more than once but I know you also told me you know he'd respect you because he of the way he respects fourteen year old girls. Which just sounds creepy. Like the word "respects" should have quotation marks and you should motion them in the air while saying the word.

    You know.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beth11:59 PM

    yeah, i think that was right after, when i was trying to explain myself...but anyway you listen to it, it sounds creepy.

    even though it's not.

    right?

    ReplyDelete

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