Skip to main content

The Dating Dare: Intro

(This has grown into a series of entries, because it's not fair to ask you to read four pages of writing in one sitting. I know you won't, anyway. But this time, I've already written the whole series, so there won't be any surprise fake-outs and take-backs.)


One of the tried-and-true foundations of my friendship with Nadine is that when it comes to the world of dating advice and adventures, we've got each other's backs. This looks like a variety of things. Sometimes, it is being the confidante for confusion and heartache. Sometimes it is lending a helping hand (or word) in communicating with the mysterious male species. Sometimes it is giggling joyfully. And sometimes, it is daring each other to do crazy things.

I once told Nadine she should email and then go on a date with a man who approached her friend at a bar to ask if Nadine was single. And you know what? She did. I think I then helped her tell him she was uninterested in another date.

So when she dared me to go on eHarmony for the month, I had no reason to say no. Not only did I owe her a dating-dare, but I know several people who have met their spouses through the internet (including last weekend's delightful wedding!). Also, it was free.

Let me do a quick walk-through of how eHarmony works, for those of you who've never tried it. (I am guessing that more of you have than would readily admit...so you can just skim the rest of this post and eagerly wait for the next three.)


When you sign up for eHarmony, the first thing you do is an extensive personal assessment. I did this at Thanksgiving, when there was a free weekend and Nadine initially dared me to test the waters of web-based romance (conclusion: three days is not a long enough timeframe). You then choose a variety of personal preferences for matching – geographical restrictions, ethnicities, age, frequency of smoking, religion – and rate how important each factor is to you.

eHarmony gurus then interpret this data and match you with seemingly eligible individuals. These matches get delivered to you, and you click on a name to view their profile. From there, you are in control of your destiny.

Meanwhile, you fill out your own profile. The usual: height, occupation, age, city, etc...and a few other questions, including:

  • What are you most passionate about?
  • What quality is most important to you in a match?
  • What three things are you most thankful for?
  • What five things can't you live without?
  • What else is important to know about you?
  • What do you like to do in your leisure time?
  • What was the last book you read and enjoyed?

You can also upload photos. As a non-paying member, I could not view photos. I am under the impression that this is a double standard, and that non-paying men can view photos of women. But I could be wrong.

And then, for the month of November, you communicate with your matches for free.


It's important to note that “free communication” only includes steps 1-3 of a 4 step process:

Five multiple choice questions from a list
Your 10 must haves & 10 can't stands
Three open-ended questions (from a list or create your own)
Secure & confidential email

So if you want to continue communicating with someone past the open-ended question, you have to sneak your email address into your answers. I say sneak, because rumour has it that eHarmony blocks email address exchanging, which makes sense. But is mega-easy to get around.

I should also explain this “must haves/can't stands” deal. A few years back, I read a book by eHarmony founder called, Date or Soulmate? and so was familiar with the concept. But basically, he encourages “the list.” That is, it is important to know what traits you need a potential partner to have, and what traits you cannot handle in a potential partner. The only catch is that NOTHING is assumed. NOTHING. Not personal hygiene, not fidelity, not punctuality or shared spirituality or communication styles. And you can only choose 10 of each category. Much more difficult. A good challenge to consider though, and one that will potentially keep you from getting romantically involved in a relationship that is doomed from the start.

There you have it. Eharmony in a nutshell.


Next up: Three things you ought not write on your online profile.

Comments

Mindy said…
I'm glad your online dating experience is a lot more exciting than mine, lol. Looking forward to reading more :)

Popular posts from this blog

What About Travis!?

I just watched Hope Floats, the second movie in my I-really-need-to-vegetate night. Now that we have more than three channels, there are so many quality programs on TV! Like movies in the middle of the week. I enjoyed many of the lines in this movie, including:

"I went home and told my mama you had a seizure in my mouth."
(referring to her first french-kissing experience)

"Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me."
(the conversation in our living room then went,
Girl 1: Only Harry Connick Jr. could say that line without it being incredibly cheezy.
Boy: Without it being cheezy? That's all I heard. Cheez, cheez, cheez.
Girl 2: Yeah, but it was sexy, sexy cheez...sigh.)
"Better do what she says, Travis. Grandma stuffs little dogs."

Bernice: At home we had a pet skunk. Mama used to call it Justin Matisse. Do you think that's just a coincidence? All day long she would scream, "You stink Justin Matisse!" Then one day she just…

I Like to Keep My Issues Drawn

It's Sunday night and I am multi-tasking. Paid some bills, catching up on free musical downloads from the past month, thinking about the mix-tape I need to make and planning my last assignment for writing class.

Shortly, I will abandon the laptop to write my first draft by hand. But until then, I am thinking about music.

This song played for me earlier this afternoon, as I attempted to nap. I woke up somewhere between 5 and 5:30 this morning, then lay in bed until 8 o'clock flipping sides and thinking about every part of my life that exists. It wasn't stressful, but it wasn't quite restful either...This past month, I have spent a lot of time rebuffing lies and refusing to believe that the inside of my heart and mind can never change. I feel like Florence + The Machine's song "Shake it Out" captures many of these feelings & thoughts.

(addendum: is the line "I like to keep my issues strong or drawn?" Lyrics sites have it as "strong," …

Simone Weil: On "Forms of the Implicit Love of God"

Simone Weil time again! One of the essays in Waiting for God is entitled "Forms of the Implicit Love of God." Her main argument is that before a soul has "direct contact" with God, there are three types of love that are implicitly the love of God, though they seem to have a different explicit object. That is, in loving X, you are really loving Y. (in this case, Y = God). As for the X of the equation, she lists:

Love of neighbor Love of the beauty of the world Love of religious practices and a special sidebar to Friendship
“Each has the virtue of a sacrament,” she writes. Each of these loves is something to be respected, honoured, and understood both symbolically and concretely. On each page of this essay, I found myself underlining profound, challenging, and thought-provoking words. There's so much to consider that I've gone back several times, mulling it over and wondering how my life would look if I truly believed even half of these things...

Here are a few …