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The Dating Dare: Universal Truths

These are my relationship thoughts from over the course of my matchmaking month that I think are important and true, whether looking for love online or offline:

Articulation and effort matters. If every answer on your profile is one sentence long, if you respond to my questions with vague and brief answers, I am not getting to see that you are being thoughtful about this process. I want to know that you find me actually interesting, that you are engaged and focused on our interaction, even if it is brief, and even if it is online, and even if it goes nowhere in the end. Don't be a conversation killer! Use open-ended questions (ie, ones that require more than a yes/no answer). When you have the option to make your own answer on a multiple choice question, do it! At least for 1 of the 5. The same principles apply when mingling at a party. Be your best self. Show that you have personality!

Unless you don't have a personality. Which leads us to lesson #2. You are who you are, and you can't fight that. If you are insecure and nervous about dating, you will be insecure and nervous about online matchmaking. If you are a schmoozer face-to-face, your profile will ooze schmooze. We can do one of two things; fight this or embrace it. I say embrace it. Recognize that it will limit your options, but it will limit you as you need to be limited! I would be a terrible match for the RPGers of small town Canada. So let's not even try to pretend it's an option. One match asked an initial multiple choice question about premarital sex. His profile was interesting, but as soon as I said, “No way,” he archived me. Which is best, because...

The pickings are slim. What I mean by this is, at the end of the day, you have to meet a lot of people to get to a few interesting ones. Sheer quantity increases your chance at quality, and mutual interest/compatibility is more rare than I often think. Out of the 100+ men I was matched with, only 4 received my email address. Which, in my mind, equates to adding someone I've recently met on Facebook. It's saying, “Hey, I'd talk to you again.” Of those four, I heard from four. (Promptly looked each of them up on Facebook. Nadine said it's cheating. I say it's the obvious next step.) And the step after that...

Use your words and don't get caught up in all the drama. Two things I liked about eHarmony: it is straightforward and it is low-key. We all know why we're on there, so a whole level of game-playing is immediately eliminated. I'm a big fan of that. Tell me where you stand and I'll tell you what I'm thinking.  And if you decide I'm not right for you after looking at my profile, or after answering a few questions, or after sending an email or two? Great! Save us all a lot of heartache. Tell me so and we'll both move on. No shame. No mess. No overwrought, drawn-out drama. Why is it that offline relationships rarely start out so cleanly? I think we could do it. Let's cut down on the games and increase the words.

The End. 


MLW said…
Thanks for sharing. This has been informative in a variety of ways.
Beth said…
mlw - i would like to hear you expand on how this has been informative to you... perhaps on our next phone date?
Jill said…
just catching up on Google reader now. "Unless you don't have a personality" made me laugh out loud.

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