Skip to main content

Two Dreams. No Explanations.

(in case you didn't read the title, these stories are not real.)


I am on the phone at work. A new girl has joined us. It is her first day, and she is also on the phone. Things are a bit crazy as we re-organize ourselves. My boss decides that we need another phone, so she plugs one into the phone jack near my head. It is for an old school phone, with a long curly red cord that bunches up on itself. I lean my head to one side, as the cord passes directly through my neck-space. This irritates me.

I cover the receiver on the phone and state quietly, “It is hard to work with a phone cord going through my neck.”

“Well, then. You can quit your f---ing job,” she replies.

“Or,” I counter, “you can untangle the f---ing phone cord.” She untangles the phone cord, and I return to my call, a British man giving life advice that I accept as profoundly true because of his winsome accent.




It is some sort of school reunion. I am there with the girls from junior high. The popular trio, my best friend, and me. It is like we are twelve again and I need them to like me. After a particularly frustrating whispered exchange, they walk out of the seminar we’re attending. I follow them to the lobby.

“Hey!” I call out. They pause, looking over their shoulders. “I tried SO HARD to be your friend. What a waste of time. You never liked me and I am done trying.” Holding back tears, I turn around.

Back in my seat, I recount my boldness in a whisper to my best friend. She is surprised and a little bit afraid. Afraid, mostly, that they will reject her as well. Suddenly, the trio slides back into our row. The tallest blondest one looks at me with wide eyes.

“Whatever we did to you, Beth, we always considered you our friend.”

“Shh,” I respond, my eyes glued to the presentation, “Don’t be rude. If you want to talk about this, you can wait til we’re done here.” They slide out of their seats and head back to the lobby to wait for me.

Comments

  1. My favourite parts are when you got sassy.

    Classic Beth!

    ReplyDelete
  2. i did get sassy, didn't i? not sure if i am proud of that or not...

    i was going to give my perspective on the dreams, why i think they played out the way they did. but they're funnier without.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Doctor7:19 PM

    In the first dream, you are irritated at your boss and her apparent insensitivity. (I wonder how you are working if you are taking advice from a British man giving you advice -- sounds like a personal call, or spam perhaps)

    In the second, you are irrated at your former high school peers for their apparent insensitivity -- not reciprocating your desire for friendship.

    In both cases you were overlooked and profoundly hurt. According to the Diagnostic Manual for the APP, I diagnose you with acute repression of the id syndrome due to an apparent sudden drop in temperature of 1 degree celcius in your former neo-natal state.

    Do not be alaramed, this can be treated with psychotherapy, namely curling up into a fetal position with warm blankets for 20 minutes every week at your local psychotherapist.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, Doctor...

    I like the sound of warm blankets. Less, the idea of weekly psychotherapy. Buuuuut, since you've said it will help.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Esse - Czeslaw Milosz

I'm on a bit of a poetry binge this week, and Monday afternoon found me lying on the luxurious shag rug of a friend's tiny apartment, re-reading some of my favourite poets (ee cummings, William Carlos Williams, Czeslaw Milosz). It is an adventure to re-open a collection and wonder what will pop out, knowing something you've read before will strike you afresh, or you will be reminded of a particularly moving line that you had somehow forgotten. Like this piece from Milosz, which floors me. Every. damn.* time. The first time I read it, I lay in a park with a friend (this same friend who offered me her rug as my reading burrow) and demanded that I share it with her. I spoke it carefully, and then, into the post-reading silence, I slammed the book shut, and dropped it as loudly as I could onto the grass. "I'm never reading anything again," I declared, "What else is there to say?" Esse I looked at that face, dumbfounded. The lights of métro st

Simone Weil: On "Forms of the Implicit Love of God"

Simone Weil time again! One of the essays in Waiting for God  is entitled "Forms of the Implicit Love of God." Her main argument is that before a soul has "direct contact" with God, there are three types of love that are implicitly  the love of God, though they seem to have a different explicit  object. That is, in loving X, you are really loving Y. (in this case, Y = God). As for the X of the equation, she lists: Love of neighbor  Love of the beauty of the world  Love of religious practices  and a special sidebar to Friendship “Each has the virtue of a sacrament,” she writes. Each of these loves is something to be respected, honoured, and understood both symbolically and concretely. On each page of this essay, I found myself underlining profound, challenging, and thought-provoking words. There's so much to consider that I've gone back several times, mulling it over and wondering how my life would look if I truly believed even half of these thin

I Like to Keep My Issues Drawn

It's Sunday night and I am multi-tasking. Paid some bills, catching up on free musical downloads from the past month, thinking about the mix-tape I need to make and planning my last assignment for writing class. Shortly, I will abandon the laptop to write my first draft by hand. But until then, I am thinking about music. This song played for me earlier this afternoon, as I attempted to nap. I woke up somewhere between 5 and 5:30 this morning, then lay in bed until 8 o'clock flipping sides and thinking about every part of my life that exists. It wasn't stressful, but it wasn't quite restful either...This past month, I have spent a lot of time rebuffing lies and refusing to believe that the inside of my heart and mind can never change. I feel like Florence + The Machine 's song "Shake it Out" captures many of these feelings & thoughts. (addendum: is the line "I like to keep my issues strong or drawn ?" Lyrics sites have it as "stro