Skip to main content

A Rare Post About Dating & Love

I hardly blog about relationships and dating and love.

 Three reasons for that:
 a. I have many opinions and much speculation but few (if any) concrete answers,
 b. I place a high value on privacy, both mine and the guys I date, and
 c. I do NOT want to become THAT girl who only ever talks about her relationships (or lack thereof).

These (almost) always outweigh my desires to share ridiculous stories, vent over perceived wrongs or philosophize ad nauseum about things out of my control.

And now I will say this: I have decided that I understand not even a third of what I once thought I knew about dating and romance. BUT I feel three times more sure of who I am, and increasingly clear on what things matter to me and what things are negotiable. I sometimes feel cynical and am often confused, but underneath, there is hope.**

Also, I will admit that I think often about these things. I have many, many thoughts. Here are three particular snippets that my mind continues to come back to:

 In January, I posted this entry that mentions a re-thinking of my dating/relationships assumptions (with further thoughts in the comments). I have definitely moved out of the motivation & framework I held as a student/fresh graduate. But I haven’t yet cohesively articulated where I find myself now. Maybe I will pull these rolling thoughts together and put them on paper sometime soon.

 Several few weeks back, my friend Kat posted this quote on her blog:
 "We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. [...] They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real-but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else." - Chuck Klosterman 

I like to pretend that the past doesn’t impact my present, and that I’m impervious to influence from sources I don’t want to influence me. Buuuuuuuuuut, that’s a big fat lie. Not sure I agree 100% with Chuck on this, but I think he raises some things to consider regarding expectations, reality, and owning our histories. 

 Recently, in a conversation about #1, a friend commented, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how love is irrevocably intertwined with trust and really the person you end up loving with your whole heart is the person you trust to take on your baggage and vice versa.”

Yes! Someone who wants me to help carry their baggage and is offering to take part of my load. That’s a beautiful thought, isn’t it?

**I don’t just mean hope that I will get married someday. That’s not a given, and even if it does happen, it doesn’t guarantee a “happily ever after.” I mean hope that my life will be full and rich and I will continue to take risks and care for people with my whole heart and be a blessing and not a curse to their hearts.


katrina leigh said…
1. i enjoy this post
2. i feel like we could have quite the discussion about all of this :)

Popular posts from this blog

What About Travis!?

I just watched Hope Floats, the second movie in my I-really-need-to-vegetate night. Now that we have more than three channels, there are so many quality programs on TV! Like movies in the middle of the week. I enjoyed many of the lines in this movie, including:

"I went home and told my mama you had a seizure in my mouth."
(referring to her first french-kissing experience)

"Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me."
(the conversation in our living room then went,
Girl 1: Only Harry Connick Jr. could say that line without it being incredibly cheezy.
Boy: Without it being cheezy? That's all I heard. Cheez, cheez, cheez.
Girl 2: Yeah, but it was sexy, sexy cheez...sigh.)
"Better do what she says, Travis. Grandma stuffs little dogs."

Bernice: At home we had a pet skunk. Mama used to call it Justin Matisse. Do you think that's just a coincidence? All day long she would scream, "You stink Justin Matisse!" Then one day she just…

I Like to Keep My Issues Drawn

It's Sunday night and I am multi-tasking. Paid some bills, catching up on free musical downloads from the past month, thinking about the mix-tape I need to make and planning my last assignment for writing class.

Shortly, I will abandon the laptop to write my first draft by hand. But until then, I am thinking about music.

This song played for me earlier this afternoon, as I attempted to nap. I woke up somewhere between 5 and 5:30 this morning, then lay in bed until 8 o'clock flipping sides and thinking about every part of my life that exists. It wasn't stressful, but it wasn't quite restful either...This past month, I have spent a lot of time rebuffing lies and refusing to believe that the inside of my heart and mind can never change. I feel like Florence + The Machine's song "Shake it Out" captures many of these feelings & thoughts.

(addendum: is the line "I like to keep my issues strong or drawn?" Lyrics sites have it as "strong," …

Simone Weil: On "Forms of the Implicit Love of God"

Simone Weil time again! One of the essays in Waiting for God is entitled "Forms of the Implicit Love of God." Her main argument is that before a soul has "direct contact" with God, there are three types of love that are implicitly the love of God, though they seem to have a different explicit object. That is, in loving X, you are really loving Y. (in this case, Y = God). As for the X of the equation, she lists:

Love of neighbor Love of the beauty of the world Love of religious practices and a special sidebar to Friendship
“Each has the virtue of a sacrament,” she writes. Each of these loves is something to be respected, honoured, and understood both symbolically and concretely. On each page of this essay, I found myself underlining profound, challenging, and thought-provoking words. There's so much to consider that I've gone back several times, mulling it over and wondering how my life would look if I truly believed even half of these things...

Here are a few …