Skip to main content

8PM - 8AM Thoughts

Last night I went on a first-date-friend-date. What I mean is, back in January I met a friend-of-a-friend at my birthday celebration/art show. Then we became fake-internet-friends. Then we graduated to real-time hanging out. It was great. She is great.

She asked me if I am going to do another show sometime. I said, "I don't know!" and squirmed in my seat. I felt squirmy because other people have been asking me about that documentary dream I mentioned back in June, and it is currently giving me minor panic attacks. Not really - I won't let myself think about it long enough to panic. That is how stressed I feel.

Why did I ever tell anyone about this!?

A Vancouver friend is coming for a visit this weekend, and I know we will talk about the potential project. She is the first (and only) person I officially recruited to doing this with me. It will be good to work through all the muddle in my head.

Anyway. Last night I remembered that several people had asked me in January if I was going to print a book of my photos and poetry. I said maybe. I did nothing.

As I fell asleep, I thought about this, and how maybe I would do it now/eventually/instead of something actually difficult and demanding like making a documentary. And then I thought of another great art idea...something smaller than a documentary and bigger than cutting and pasting into an online template. It's a great idea (at least in my head it is) and only requires collaboration with one brilliantly gifted friend.

Then I fell asleep and had three dreams. I have been dreaming vividly this week. I don't know why. Last night's were good dreams, but don't correspond with my current reality. For some reason that really upset me when I woke up. Disappointment, perhaps, or sadness that life isn't always as good as it could be.

As I got ready for work this morning, I thought about all these things: strangely unsettling dreams; my brilliantly gifted friend; my upcoming conversation with my Vancouver friend; the good times making a new friend...


At the time, I didn't make the leap to gratitude, but I am making it now. I have amazing people in my life. And the panic and fear and disappointment?

It isn't going to overwhelm me. I am confident of that. One way or another, I will move through it and all will be well when I get to the other side.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Katie V.7:48 PM

    Definitely interested to hear about this alternative plan of yours :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The ROM, The Earth & Procreation

Disclaimer: This post is intended to generate discussion and a sharing of many opinions. It is NOT intended to judge or condemn anyone's life choices. I had an unexpected moment at the ROM last month. C and I were listening to a presentation for kids on wildlife conservation (or rather, I was listening, and C was eagerly anticipating what live animal would come out next), when a statement caught my attention and still hasn't let go. For most of history, the earth could provide enough resources for the earth's human population. But today, our population is growing rapidly, increasing by 250 000 people every day... Forty years from now, it will require 2 Earths to provide sustainably for our survival as a human species. But we only have 1 Earth. 250 000 people. Every day. That is roughly twice the size of my hometown. In one day. So I did a little math. (First, I rounded down to 200 000, just in case the figures were inflated or failed to account for some sort o...
27 comments
Read more

Women And Our Ways: Intro

Last summer, I started writing a blog entry that I never finished. There are several like that, actually. This particular one starts out: If you are male, you probably don't want to read this entry. I mean it. If you were grossed out by my entry on placenta lasagna , didn't understand the problematic tea commercial , or were surprised by my thoughts on the curse of Aunt Irma , this one is bigger, badder, and more bold. I'm going for broke. I've been meaning to write this girls-only series ever since. But then I realized that I want to write a series that may frighten or surprise men, but is not meant to exclude them. Then I thought that maybe I don't want to do that, as it will stir up controversy and I will be misunderstood and I will unintentionally offend both men and women and I will write about things that don't often get talked about. But I think I'm willing to risk it. Titles in the series Women and Our Ways may include: The Mo...
10 comments
Read more

Sunday Starters

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep up with a different 'theme' for blogging every day. Sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. But what I do know is that Sundays are no longer Fundays. (well, in reality, I'm sure they still will be). Instead, I want to do this: I start a sentence, and we all fill it in. However we want. There is only one rule: You have to play the game too. Example: Happiness is... ...a warm puppy ...time with my family ...a myth ...knowing that in the end, he/she's got my back. ...impossible to pin down. This week's starter: When I was six, I thought...
14 comments
Read more